Melodramatic Fool

Another episode of How I Suck At Everything. This time, tabletop gaming edition. Can't wait for the next episode, online computer game edition (part eleventy-billion), coming tonight. Yeah, I know, just downhormonemo, but still. Just would like to do things and, preferably, be good at them, or at least just be able to do them and have fun without having to always having it pointed out that I'm fucking up. (And it bothers me when I try to talk about it with someone, and I don't get empathy or sympathy, just get blown off. Thanks.) Sometimes I think, is this the way things really are supposed to be--40 more years of just kind of being a screw-up? I just, seriously, what's the point. It's too bad I have no interest in children, my own or adopted, so I could at least feel like I accomplished something.

Funeral for my uncle is on Tuesday, at practically the exact same time my dentist appointment should have been. So first thing Monday I have to call my dentist and re-reschedule (funny thing how I just rescheduled last week because their office-closed days changed).

Been a fuckin cranky old woman the past couple days. Just...annoyed by stupid crap, and feeling like I am totally missing something by the way I simply don't care about certain things that others fan so hard they're all but in hysterics. I dunno, I guess, I just don't go hysterical about celebrities, and I still just am missing *something* about the one that like the whole fandom is nuts over--and I don't gush over celebrity couples, so when people freaking go insane about them, I just am like "...um, okay?" I dunno. I guess I'm just too old, too cynical and jaded, or something. And I'm a fucking picky bitch, too--saw a fic posted to some comm last night that if I didn't have a brain-to-typing filter, so *so* wanted to comment "Ohmygod, are you 12 or something?" So hi, I am a horrible person and full of unpopular opinions and bad thoughts.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/linkin_park/burning_in_the_skies.html
This is now my Sam song for pre-s6/6.01. Seriously. I just. In love with that song.

Also have heard the full song for the the trailer that's on the MCR site, Na Na Na, and am freaking nuts for it. Looking forward to sometime driving very fast to it.

re: WoW. Got heroic Sindrigosa \o/ Then we promptly screwed up, and did the Waiting A Long Time For This LK achievement wrong, tracking the wrong debuff. Fffffffff. It was a raid ID extention, too, so we have to wait until next Wed. to do it the right way and finally get our 10man drakes. So freaking disappointed. In the meantime, allegedly going to get the last achieve we need for the old Ulduar rusted protodrakes Sunday, just for the hell of it (hopefully Algalon, too).

Weird mood continues. Saving some fic in tabs for some reason the last few days instead of reading right away, while then rereading other older fic. Don't ask me why. I don't get me.

Ohyeah, and the mic part of my headset decided to go bad like out of the blue. One second it was fine, the next it's all fucked up and my talking's coming through as horrid static. It's weird, because the headphones part's just fine. And I don't hear it--but everyone else hears it. I dunno. I know they're old, like probably between 4-5 years old, but still, it's odd.

ETA: and this http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858838511/ (Linkin Park - Iridescent) is so, so a Sam during Swan Song song. Good golly. ♥ And I imagine it's obvious that I'm really liking their A Thousand Suns CD. :| Really, really liking. :| (Time to sign off before I start spazzing about The Catalyst, too.)

seisei_ftw, how are you so awesome? \o/ ♥ Seriously, you are awesome. Random vgifts are full of win. And awesome. ^___^ Thankyou~ *squishhug* (Also: (C o_o)C Crab battle! ♥ )

At least I've finally started on my summer_sam_love fic, because honestly I've been feeling like the worst failure ever for having not gotten my act together up until now. Was feeling more and more panic since there's only fifteen days left until I post, and I do want to leave sufficient beta and edit time. I'm good at having anxiety attacks over stupid little things, yeah. Anyway, it's only half done, and it won't be long (only about 2k so far), but considering it's sort of like pulling teeth, I'm glad to have that much and to have the basics of the rest bulleted out. But yeah, 2k words for over four hours of work--I'm not kidding when I say I'm a slow writer or when I say that it's like pulling teeth. I have a lot of respect and awe for those who can write fast, whether good or otherwise. This is why I'll never do a big bang.

By the way, I do appreciate those that offered to help me brainstorm ideas on this when I've posted about stressing on this before. I just...I had so little, just tiny seeds of what I wanted to do, that I was embarrassed to write anyone to get plotting help because it would highlight how much next-to-nothing I already had. I'm just glad I finally had bits and pieces finally come together in my head last week. It won't be epic or anything stellar or deep--I'm just hoping for okay, frankly. Simply done will be nice. :p (Ugh, too bad tomorrow's so busy...hopefully Thursday?)

I have a couple of people I'm going to PM about betaing (I haven't gotten beta help in a couple years, since an old fandom, for lack of fellow fans, and then later--seriously--for fear of how bad I'd be told what I did was once I did know fellow fans), but if one of them can't, I'll post and ask here.

Anyway, I still owe a ton of comments, have barely commented on anyone's posts or the ones sitting in my email for several weeks now. Apologies again. Stressing has sort of made me want to hide, a lot. : /

Also also...some of the extended family that was causing teh dramaz? Still going on. I'm glad I don't have to deal with it, but am upset that my mother and those family members I do care about are still having to. Those of my extended family that are freaks and idiots and are generally reprehensible, good lord, I wish someone would slap some sense into them, seriously. Punch some sense into them, better still.

Way back at the start of the year, I saw someone on my flist at the time mention making a resolution to make a post a day for 2010, and I thought that was a cool thing, decided to try it as well. Figured it would be kind of a good thing since these past few years at times I get stuck in my head and could go a month or even several months without saying anything. Missed yesterday though, since I just had absolutely nothing to say and no stupid links to share. So I guess I'm not gonna stress about trying to do that anymore. At least I did it for 6 months and near a week.

On the WoW side of things, worked on ICC10 hardmode stuff, got the ones for Marrowgar, Festergut and Rotface (and of course Lootship). Will try BQL on Monday and Deathwhisper/Saurfang on next week's run. Not bad considering Woken Too Soon's still casual and was running with several non guild people (friends, though, not true pugs).

Someone sent me a sugary bunny virtual gift :D :D :D I don't know who it was, but whomever you are, ilu~! ♥ It's so cute X3 Thankyou!

I need to find the link of it, but one of my uncles on my mom's side (one of her younger brothers) pointed her at a Youtube video he and some friends did of them blowing up a junk van with dynamite. Mom's family is odd like this, yes. This is my genetics. :| And he's one of the *good* crazy ones. (Though at times he's somewhat of a lazy, forgetful doofus, but anyway.)

In WoW news, I used the AV weekend to finally accomplish two goals I've had for Ak for a very, very long time. One was to get exalted with the AV (Frostwolf) faction (38th exalted--need Timbermaw and...something else now, for the 40 exalteds achievement). The second, was finally FINALLY getting the 100 mount achievement.

( And the reward~! )

I have wanted the red dragonhawk for so very long--it's one of those in-my-own-head roleplay things. There are certain things important to him as a character, including the Wyrmrest Accord faction and his red drake mount, his black drake mount, anything to do with the Argent Crusade faction/Ashen Verdict faction and his standing as 'exalted champion' for such and title of Crusader. But most of all, his racial identity and loyalty to Silvermoon City (the rebuilt bloodelf capital). That red dragonhawk looks just like the ones in Eversong Forest in the bloodelf starting zones, and to me is iconic of the race. Thus it was something I wanted to really have a sense of him being "of Silvermoon City" (which is the title I've switched back to for the moment). Anyway. Yay ♥ (And getting the last 3 mounts I needed only took two grueling, grueling days of pvping in mostly AV with some Wintergrasp thrown in. Ohgod, all the losses, over and over and over and over, with so few wins, just to eek out the honor and the rep. Egads.) Also, yes I know it looks orange but is labeled red. Blizzard is colorblind (see 'violet' protodrake that is pink/fuschia).

Friends wandered over for the evening, spent more time playing the original God of War with Kelly spectating and Anj walking me through. Post title is something I said during the proceedings. :p Have gotten past the Cerberus fight, and left off in this godawful room where you're supposed to get into alcoves for chests before you get trapped in and impaled on spikes. The 'puzzles' or minigames or whatever you call it in GoW are designed by sadists, I think. I normally don't talk when I game, but this one has me going from "crapsticks" to "fucksticks" to "AUGHWTFWTFWTFshitshitshit!". But Anj says I'm picking up on it faster than she did her first run through, so go me or something. \o/ Random tangent--I love Kratos' Artemis blade. Love. After I first got that, I started cleaving mobs in two and decapitating things and it made me honest to god *giiiiiiiiiiggle* in glee. And it's pretty 8D (First sparking blue and now sparking purple X3 ♥) You can keep your dressy girl stuff--I want me a Big Ass Sword that's pretty and glowy and sparking/sparkling. 8D 8D (Or axe. Big Ass Axe also works. :3 )

P.S. also ysi_leftovers is my new best friend. :x Yes, I am very late to the party on this sort of thing I'M SLOW OKAY D: But omg muuuuuuusic music music music. I found so much yesterday >_> I will have to poke at it more soon. :3 (I do buy and will still buy, I promise \o/ This just...helps, with the whole not getting to do so often thing.)

Yeah, so I'm always behind the times, always always. Tonight I finally got to try out God of War (yes, the original, yes, I know GoW3 is due out soon ^^; ). Anyway! Freaking. FUN. Aaaaaaawesome fun. Even if it does seem really dark on our TV. Played it for several hours this evening as Anj walked me through it and Kelly watched (after a jaunt to HuHot nom). Need need to find a used copy somewhere. \o/ Anj also brought over GoW2 and showed us one of the fights (the one with Zeus) and holy beans it looked hard--graphics were definitely improved over the original, which makes me think 3 will be damned nice.

Though I must admit, I think Blizzard artists/developers were definitely ah 'influenced' on the look of the Kologarn fight in Ulduar, after seeing part of that Zeus/GoW2 fight :p (the bit where he's giant and you only see his upper half).

Also, I am still pining for FFXIII. I'm just sayin'. :| And after spending so much time on Wynnchester (my paladin) in WoW, I am sort of--just sort of--wishing that's what I was playing as a main right now. At the least the levelling is SO freaking easy. And I know they're really damned good in endgame raiding right now ('course Ak could be as good if I didn't suck and also could play/wanted to play affliction spec or even metamorphosis spec). Makes me wonder if I would have played one as my first toon if I would have rerolled like I did.

I do not want it to be daylight savings time. T__T Such hate for that losing an hour thing. If I could ditch one thing about the U.S., it would be that, I swear.

Oh, and I wish I could send that little free squirrel v-gift to so very many of you. :( It only lets you do so to three... D: D: *hugs*! to everyone in lieu of that :| ♥

Christ why'm I still up. Can't even blame sleeping earlier, because Dad called after I'd maybe dozed 15min and then wanted to be *chatty* forever (oh, genetics...).

Anyway. Comics! http://dcisgoingtohell.com/ is adorable and funky and quirky and bizarre and adorable! I want a pet manticore. :B Reread http://hanna.aftertorque.com/ and I flail that it updates slowly but it is worth it for the awesome. And have I linked http://www.bearfoo.com/ at all yet? It was a print comic originally, and it's being rereleased on the web and maaaaan, it is weird and wrong and it makes me laugh.

I will finally spend that Amz gc my brother and his gf gave me for Christmas because I discovered Mumford & Sons' Sigh No More is FINALLY out as a mp3 album, so it is cheeeeap and not omgimport priced. GLEE. ♥ Though not sure if I should get those new Gorillaz and Peter Gabriel ones, too, because I still haven't gotten Porcupine Tree's The Incident or Nil Recurring (not mp3 format, though) or Iron & Wine's Around the Well--and gdi, Assemblage 23 has a new one out, too? (Compass). And I'd really wanted Tomcraft's Versus EP, and a there's been a few single mp3s... Criminy. Not much gets crossed off that wish list anymore. Makes me appreciate lastfm's free mp3s so very much, because even if that's stuff I've not heard of, at least it's something new to try.

Loved the spnland media and game challenges this week ♥ And yay, more icons to do for the art comm (I suck at graphics, seriously so, but I love doing 'em, sooo...). Think I'm going to fail at submitting anything for the meta *and* for the news article ones, though. Because I'm awesome like that. Fail fail fail.

Seeing the extended family was decent. Ended up being a lot of my cousins' other side of the family, which was kind of a neat thing since it's been forever since seeing some of them, not since my one uncle's and aunt's funerals. Odd discovery was my cousin telling me she's written poetry, and been published in something, and that another aunt's written as well (It's amazing how even close family can still not know each other.) Sounds like she's interested in seeing some of mine, and I definitely want to see what both of them have done (got the feeling she might put together something of 'family' writings, which would be pretty cool). Wish I'd had the Xmas poem with me somehow, because she'd put together photo albums of old Christmases and it would have gone so well with that. Same cousin also gave me a bunch of photocopies of materials she'd gotten from a life coach, which is really freaking awesome of her to do, since I know she's spent a lot to meet with that individual. Definitely will be reading through it this week.

James' DnD game tomorrow...blah about it, but only mainly because I'm wanting 'hang around by myself and do nothing' time. Least it's a bit better than having Leslie's game because there'll be a break between end of it and raid time.

And now your moment of zen insecurity: More and more often, I find that damned near everybody I know (beyond fandom) writes, even writes poetry. How can I be thinking I could make anything of it if everybody else out there's already/also doing it, and mine isn't any better than theirs? How can I consider what I do special enough to even think I could attempt it as a livelihood?

Emo. Emo emo emo. PMS moodswing plus mood swing I always get at the holidays plus SAD-type mood plus not diagnosed bipolar but damned near all the immediate and extended family is mood...all combined equals suckage. Anyway.

Today I swear to go over the finances, and today/tomorrow to get Christmas whatnot done. I. Swear. It.

Re: WoW--In addition to downing Marrowgar in last week's ICC25, last night got Deathwhisper (Deathyeller more like, she will not *shut up* >_< ) and the Gunship Battle (JETPACKS ♥). Except I was a dumbass on Gunship and died early and just got to watch it happen and know they didn't need me a *bit* to finish it. \o/ Worked a bunch on Saurfang, can get him to about 20% and then hit the wall from his healing. It is interesting times. In general really still liking the ICC fights--it's nice to have *rooms* again, and a mix of trash and bosses. The fights are interesting without being as stupid as some Ulduar and ToC ones. And though two of my favorite NW peoples won't come over to Dauntless (one switched to alliance, the other's going to a different Hellscream guild), my fellow female-playing-male-belf type person just transferred and joined. \o/ \o/ After raid we took off our gear and danced on the steps of the north Dalaran bank to celebrate. :p

Been getting to sleep by 2 often, which is an improvement.

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/2009/11/lantern-in-lifeboat.html
/swoonsigh This bloooooooooog...

Female ginko trees near male ginko trees are still work of the devil (and not like strangely-captivating!Spn!Lucifer or guhawt!Samifer either). Former neighbors should have been shot for planting the two, and not in *decades* realizing what a godawful mistake they'd made. New neighbors should be shot for not noticing the horror that is in their new yard and disposing of it. I don't care how broke I was when buying this place, if I would have realized that my yard contained a tree that would produce fruit SO MUCH FRUIT in fall that smelled of a hungover barfing dog with severe gastrointestinal distress, I can guarandamntee you I would have hor'd myself out to get funds to have it cut down. Still praying to any and all deities that said tree(s) die, and curse that it was just damage from severe storms last year that made it seem it was on its way out. Every time I'm out scooping the squishy breaking-apart fruits off our driveway, I daydream of setting it on fire.

This exchange sums up times with my Mother: 1. she lets slip there are 10 yard bags of leaves to go to the curb 2. and I am not to help because of deathcold 3. I tell her to wait for the husband to get home to carry them 4. she promptly ignores me and starts doing it anyway when my back is turned 5. she snarks at me when I insist on helping her and I 6. call her a stubborn wench. ♥ Mothers! \o/

I am an icon addict. I am an icon whore. Constantly weeding and adding new every week. It is a struggle to stay below the 200 limit (wtf 200). I have like five versions of this icon alone (different colors, stills vs animated) because god I loved that bit so. D: SO.

I want Jensen taking care of sick!Jared J2 fic. Would actually write it but too blargh to do so. My life is so hard. \o/ Also, the Starbucks at the local B&N is so fail. They are friendly but the lousiest pseudobaristas everrrrrr.

And what the hell, re: this icon by nyaubaby.

I memorize every angle and cell of you so I can recall the entirety of you when you are gone, and not just a still-photo flat memory of you. I trace your lines with my eyes, take notes about you with my fingertips, and will sculpt you later in my dreams.