whitereflection: (Default)
At least got the shoveling done (not that there's much snow), and what presents I do have wrapped. Ordered almost all the rest that I need. Just need a few more stores Fri/Sat to be done-done. And the stuff that has to be mailed is ready to go, so that can be done Tues. That's progress at least.

Car went in to have the accident damage repaired yesterday, found out today that...yeah, Saturn parts are hard to find now, so they won't have it done until Tuesday or Wednesday earliest. We're a one-car family. Yeah. So now I've got to rent a car. At least Dad can help the husband get to work tomorrow, and get me over to Enterprise. The other person's insurance is...just not talking to USAA. Though USAA says that they will handle it if this continues (has been a month) and will go to arbitration if need be. Such stupid hassle for what was a minor fender bender.

I fail so hard at WoW. I suck at the new heroics, like seriously suck. And I'm pretty sure most of my guildmates like the husband well more than they like me right now. Really starting to feel like I don't fit in anymore, and starting to think I'm just not good enough for what the game is right now.

I guess I should be happy that I've got heat and the internet http://www.johnnywander.com/comics/232 so at least I'm warm and able to make bitchy, whining posts, yeah? :/
whitereflection: (winchesters don't go (i'm so alone))
For the everything is about spn tag:
http://sadnesses.tumblr.com/post/1000560582
http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2010/06/taking-of-turns.html

Mood swing lingering, mixed with high anxiety. Bit of insomnia, a lot of procrastinating about everything except a few absolute must-do things (about one must-do a day seems what I'm capable of). Or procrastinating until the deadline passes and it just becomes skipped. Though it says a lot that what's highest on the anxiety/panic list is that I'm still failing at writing the summer_sam_love fic I said I'd do, rather than say, the fact that I'm still jobless and in lieu of employment still haven't committed to going back to school. Way to be an adult, self. (Also, it's a bit extra stupid that a couple of weeks ago, I got an email from the community mods checking in if I'd still be doing my claim fic, and I could have asked to have the episode given to someone else. But no, I said I'd be ready. I promised. It's stupid to be failing even in hobbies. And I know I still have several weeks, but I have come up with *nothing* so far. And yet I told them I was going to be ready. How can I go back to the mods and say no, I really can't do it after all? Stupid. I wish I hadn't been "up" then, and able to be more realistic.)

I really need to take a lesson from those who are going through similar real life type issues (or worse), and who are actually *doing* things about it and not just hiding and fearing and being useless.

Noted I've been procrastinating about getting my hair cut since May. It was too long/a mess even then. Yeah.
whitereflection: (sam :| herpexiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
Diane's super special, non-spoilery, one-word review of Iron Man 2? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! \o/

After, friend Don treated us to late dinner at IHOP as a belated anniversary sort of thing. And after after, I made an absolute fool of myself. We were walking out of the restaurant, talking about who knows what (the conversation had covered various comic universes and meandered through Star Trek recent vs. original, Babylon 5, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force), and I managed to trip over the seam between two sidewalk squares.

Thanks to having been starting to step off the curb, trip led to swearing multi-stumble led to full 100% wipeout. I am awesome. Only reason I didn't end up shredding my hands and knees was I think I twisted left overcompensating to keep from falling off the curb and landed side first before front. Now to see if all the padding stops bruises or no. :p Various bits are freaking complainy, though (hello, wrists). As is my pride, considering that was all right along restaurant windows, as well as in front of the husband and the guys we were with. Haven't tripped so stupidly since my early high school days when I was still the sort of person to go on a youth group retreat, and did a full somersault tripping over air molecules while running through a motel parking lot with other kids.

Did I ever mention how I don't have depth perception/stereoscopic vision, technically? Yeah. (And someday I'll have to tell about what a great idea it was to sign up for softball when I was 11, from my best friend smacking me right between the eyes with a softball while we were playing catch, to the coach having yelling fits because I tended to swing while the ball was still a good five feet in front of the plate. Or not, that's probably all good enough story right there. :| )
whitereflection: (winchesters bickering married couple)
It's funny that the thing I was looking forward to doing most for [livejournal.com profile] spnland was writing, and ironically, what's the thing I haven't been able to do almost at all since it started? Yeah. Started out okay, but ever since.... Nearly nothing. Wouldn't even call it being blocked or locked up, because that implies there's something there to block or lock up. There's just really nothing in my head, writing-wise. And I'm gonna just laugh at myself for the whole "I wanna be a poet" thing, because yeah. To write as a career, you have to be able to, you know.... There's just no words, not for fan stuff, not for original projects.

Naturally, I actually had one idea for this one challenge due tomorrow (love letter from one character to another), and I was like yay and worked on it, and then realized the rules state it's got to be major, named characters and what I had won't work, not a bit. Sooo yeah. Awesomes. Least there's games there, because that's the only stuff I seem to be able to accomplish. That and voting on things.

I guess I could understand if I were just having trouble with character-focused things, because I'm a pretty lousy fan that just isn't as into secondary characters all that much, and some I'm outright *blah* on. I mean, yeah, I like Bobby and some others, but really if it isn't Sam or Dean (or okay, maybe the Impala), I just don't get too motivated. But there's been plenty of general writing challenges that don't demand certain characters, in which I could have written with Sam and Dean. Yet still no inspiration or success at motivating myself.

Then lately when I see everyone talking about their big bang projects, I get the little thought in my head of "Next year I'll try that!". Hey, self? Yeah. This is me pointing and laughing at you. LoooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooool. Pull the other one, it's got bells on. Dumbass.


At least I can accomplish things in WoW (Nin to 72, Sampala to 17), that's worth something right? Right? Yeah, didn't think so. :|
whitereflection: (sam i should not love this fic)
Spaced off the gas utility bill, just realized as I was doing financial stuff a bit ago. It's due tomorrow, and of course when I went to put the mail out to send it, the mail person had already been by here. See, if I got up at a normal time instead of sleeping in too late (again), and if I would have gotten ready and done bills right away instead of messing around on the computer first, I would have had it out to be picked up in time. This is how not to be an adult.

Also, I'm an irritable bitch to people in my WoW guild, and am awesome at screwing up on the Sindragosa fight, more than anyone else. Yay.
whitereflection: (WTH DID YOU SCREW UP NOW)
Christ why'm I still up. Can't even blame sleeping earlier, because Dad called after I'd maybe dozed 15min and then wanted to be *chatty* forever (oh, genetics...).

Anyway. Comics! http://dcisgoingtohell.com/ is adorable and funky and quirky and bizarre and adorable! I want a pet manticore. :B Reread http://hanna.aftertorque.com/ and I flail that it updates slowly but it is worth it for the awesome. And have I linked http://www.bearfoo.com/ at all yet? It was a print comic originally, and it's being rereleased on the web and maaaaan, it is weird and wrong and it makes me laugh.

I will finally spend that Amz gc my brother and his gf gave me for Christmas because I discovered Mumford & Sons' Sigh No More is FINALLY out as a mp3 album, so it is cheeeeap and not omgimport priced. GLEE. ♥ Though not sure if I should get those new Gorillaz and Peter Gabriel ones, too, because I still haven't gotten Porcupine Tree's The Incident or Nil Recurring (not mp3 format, though) or Iron & Wine's Around the Well--and gdi, Assemblage 23 has a new one out, too? (Compass). And I'd really wanted Tomcraft's Versus EP, and a there's been a few single mp3s... Criminy. Not much gets crossed off that wish list anymore. Makes me appreciate lastfm's free mp3s so very much, because even if that's stuff I've not heard of, at least it's something new to try.

Loved the [livejournal.com profile] spnland media and game challenges this week ♥ And yay, more icons to do for the art comm (I suck at graphics, seriously so, but I love doing 'em, sooo...). Think I'm going to fail at submitting anything for the meta *and* for the news article ones, though. Because I'm awesome like that. Fail fail fail.
whitereflection: (sam losing it (all))
Stupid 3-ibuprofen headache. Stupid, stupid hormone/PMS depressive mood crash. Stupid feeling like fail because of a game. Stupid house feeling cold even though our highs this week are above freezing and we're actually getting thawing. Stupid me being useless-worthless and getting nothing done today, much less still not managing any writing at all (two months and counting...). Hell with ibuprofen. I'ma gonna go find a brick.

Least I'm managing to sleep by 2am lately. And the tree pruning to deal with the damage from the recent storms will just be a few hundred, not as bad as I'd anticipated. So.
whitereflection: (oh sammy (What? No!))
Well...fuck. Dauntless experiment.........failed. Not that I didn't get in. Just found out the guild is being disbanded at the end of the month. So after all that stressing about apping and interviewing with them and about these first couple of weeks of raiding, after all the working my ass off and pushing myself to study and learn up to their level, after finding a group of people I was discovering I liked but more importantly that I *really* respected and looked up to...poof, gone. Well, by the 30th. And what really sucks is having spent that money on the server transfer. Now what do I do...?

/headwall, /headwall, headwall...just seems like everything is still intent on blowing up in my face. Hell, even the job hunt is total meh--have sent out apps, haven't heard anything back, so no interviews. Hi my name is fail rides again, yes?

[rantedit: At the least, the COBRA thing for my medical insurance is straightened out. Person from ex-work called last week all apologetic, and got the information to the company handling the COBRA stuff extra fast, who then got me the enrollment info sent out extra fast, with a good deadline to mail it back. Not that it's spectacular to be paying so much for insurance again, but insurance is a fucking stellar thing to have, so I definitely am happy about that. IF ONLY THIS COUNTRY WOULD HAVE GODDAMNED NATIONAL HEALTHCARE INSURANCE SO I COULD HAVE INSURANCE THAT WASN'T TIED TO A SPECIFIC WORKPLACE, ESPECIALLY SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IF WHATEVER NEXT WORKPLACE MIGHT EVEN HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE BENEFITS AT ALL. Fuck, I seriously better not get started on that. The whole craptacular brouhaha has just made me want to say 'screw off' to a massive percentage of my fellow Americans. Why did I even bother thinking maybe people were starting to find their intelligence again? I should have known better. America, fuck yeah? More like America, fuck off.]
whitereflection: (wow YOU NO TAKE CANDLE!)
Today (yesterday?) I got to be like everybody else--my WoW account was hacked into. Got called about 3:15am by Aaron, to say Akseru was online and not responding to anyone talking to him (time and that being how they knew it wasn't me). Then they hit two alts, as well as an unguilded bank alt the Nightmare Walking people couldn't see. I was able to use James' laptop and pc to get my password rechanged and log in to boot the hacker offline. Contacted ingame support, and they started the process to hopefully restore what was taken/sold (including quite a lot of game gold, materials, consumables : / ), and have been running scans on my computer since--Macscan, then Avast.

I know of good scanner programs for finding viruses/malware/spyware/trojans/keyloggers, but all the ones I know of are PC only, so been having to do some websearching, using stuff that James, Aaron, and I have come up with. So far Macscan found nothing but 97 'tracker cookies', but Avast is showing 5 viruses. Don't look like keylogger sorts, but it's not done yet. Then I'll see what I can find at another site I was recommended. Hoping some Mac users in my guild and James' (couple in each) might have some advice.

Several dumb things about it, from the I Am So Stupid files: I've known that someone's been trying to compromise my account. I've been getting the auto emails from Blizzard saying that password retrieval has been requested. It means someone's been *trying*. Add to this that yesterday am I logged in to check my bank toon okay, but a couple hours later my password wouldn't work. At all. How I handled this was *extremely* stupid--I rechanged my password...on my own computer. Meaning that if it is a keylogger, they had the new one just as easily as the old. Then after, I didn't start scouring for malware or anything WHY NOT OMG. I don't know. What was I thinking? So naturally it happened again.

I should have had a scanning regimen all along. The "I have a Mac" defense really doesn't fly anymore--especially when hackers focused on WoW know it's both Mac and PC. I should have changed the pw on James' computer if I thought mine was compromised. The moment I suspected something I should have started scanning and whatnot then. I should have changed my pw, which I'd been using forever, long before this. I should have bought the special authenticator gadget they've been offering since hax have started becoming so frequent.

I'm just lucky Aaron and other guild people were online, and that he had my phone number. I'm lucky that he and another guild buddy just dropped *everything* that they were doing in game to find my toon and keep sending the person invites and trade requests (which cause ingame pop up windows) to harass them and slow them down. Lot of hacking cases end with people logging in to totally empty banks and naked toons. I've got my gear, and should be able to have things restored or rolled back to before-hack. And I'm lucky there're multiple computers in the house so I could try to fix things quick from an uncompromised one.

The weird bit though, that concerns us since even clearing out malware and keyloggers won't help--I'd received alerts that someone was trying to access my password recently. When *I* changed my password both times, I got email saying that the password had been changed. The two times the hacker somehow changed my password...no email either time. No alert. They changed it, my email address never was altered, but I didn't get any notification. But I did when *I* then rechanged it. What the hell. I've made sure that was part of my report to Blizz, but still, what the hell.

Anyway, long story short: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. And that's at myself just as much as at the hacker.
whitereflection: (seto forgiveness is for martyrs not you)
Second time in 6 months, I've lost a job.

At least, it wasn't something I did, no stupidfuckingmoron fuckup to lose it. They said they liked me, thought I was a friendly person, had great attendance, was very attentive and thorough.

Nope, this time, I've been let go because I simply wasn't fast enough. This was a place where one is effectively paid by the piece--but you're guaranteed minimum wage. The problem therein lies in your work output needs to be ≥ minimum wage. Mine never was. Never ever ever. I never really showed that much improvement. I can type pretty darned well. I can 10-key okayish. But as I've said before, mix the two and I'm utterly horrid.

I guess I'm not the only one they let go, but that doesn't really do much for me at the moment. A minimum wage job and I gave it my *EVERYTHING* and I *FAILED*.

Awhile back, my brother had mentioned that I was on the 'lost' file at my old high school. But my thought to that was why would I get in contact with any of my old friends or acquaintances there? What would I have to say for myself? Hi, I used to be at the top of the class, now I can't manage to keep a job even when I *try*? Yeah.

And to be expected, minimum wage job loss means no severance, hell even no warning. They nabbed me as I was about to clock off today, and it's as of today. I guess this means I'll not have to worry about being late for my annual or allergy shot Monday or my dentist appt Tuesday. My other LOLthought on it, as I was telling mom here about it, was that oh hey, at least this time we won't be losing as much income because of it. LOL.


And now I wait for the utilities guy to come, with the windows open, because out of the blue my natural gas detector started shrieking. And somewhere in the next half hour to hour I get to tell the usual him about things. Awesome.

Been thinking this for awhile, especially the last few months, but I really don't think I have any self esteem left. At all.

August 2012

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