and stuff.

Apr. 14th, 2011 12:49 am
whitereflection: (sam narrowed eyes (bw))
Headachey, leg achey, joint achey, down, and discouraged, discouraged, discouraged. Meh.

fake it

Mar. 25th, 2011 04:26 am
whitereflection: (sam devil inside)
So, IDK my BFF Insomia? Yeah. Least it didn't bring its buddy Anxiety along with like earlier this week.

Listening to the past couple nights. I blame [ profile] vesperline (thanks for recommending it).

I still have comments needing reply in my email going back to November 21, I barely comment to you guys, and truly, I'm sorry. I know I've said that before, but I do mean it.

Did my ability to write anything die after last November or something?


Feb. 27th, 2011 07:08 pm
whitereflection: (sam doesn't make a difference)
Another episode of How I Suck At Everything. This time, tabletop gaming edition. Can't wait for the next episode, online computer game edition (part eleventy-billion), coming tonight. Yeah, I know, just downhormonemo, but still. Just would like to do things and, preferably, be good at them, or at least just be able to do them and have fun without having to always having it pointed out that I'm fucking up. (And it bothers me when I try to talk about it with someone, and I don't get empathy or sympathy, just get blown off. Thanks.) Sometimes I think, is this the way things really are supposed to be--40 more years of just kind of being a screw-up? I just, seriously, what's the point. It's too bad I have no interest in children, my own or adopted, so I could at least feel like I accomplished something.

Funeral for my uncle is on Tuesday, at practically the exact same time my dentist appointment should have been. So first thing Monday I have to call my dentist and re-reschedule (funny thing how I just rescheduled last week because their office-closed days changed).

Been a fuckin cranky old woman the past couple days. Just...annoyed by stupid crap, and feeling like I am totally missing something by the way I simply don't care about certain things that others fan so hard they're all but in hysterics. I dunno, I guess, I just don't go hysterical about celebrities, and I still just am missing *something* about the one that like the whole fandom is nuts over--and I don't gush over celebrity couples, so when people freaking go insane about them, I just am like ", okay?" I dunno. I guess I'm just too old, too cynical and jaded, or something. And I'm a fucking picky bitch, too--saw a fic posted to some comm last night that if I didn't have a brain-to-typing filter, so *so* wanted to comment "Ohmygod, are you 12 or something?" So hi, I am a horrible person and full of unpopular opinions and bad thoughts.
whitereflection: (sam losing it (all))
The yay is that we got heroic 10m Putricide in WoW last night. It really is a cool thing, and the result of a lot of work. Only two more achievements left for the 10man drakes (heroic Sindrigosa and the Waited A Long Time For This one).

Really, really down today. A moodswing from being up/manic/productive last week, I guess. And I'm worried about one of my cats--Missy (aka cat 3 of 4), the maine coon. What we thought was a mat of fur is an about third inch growth on her skin, and I'm going to have to get her to the vet. Don't know if it's something that's infected/inflamed, or if it's a tumor of some sort.

But also, fandom is just...making me sad right now. I thought it was bad enough to see/hear about such hate for my favorite character, but to know how people are being to each other's just really disheartening. I do not understand the meanness, the hurtfulness, even the swearing at each other. I just don't comprehend it. Aren't we in this for a common love of this show and it's characters? Even if you don't like all of the characters or parts of the show, don't people know how to be respectful and considerate of others, to know that something you say horrible things about might be something that someone else likes or even loves?

I guess for me...well, I'll put it simply. I like Sam Winchester. I like Jared Padalecki. I like fanworks, whether they be gen or slash or even RPF/RPS. I like Supernatural--and I will, I am pretty damned sure, continue to like it. But most of all, most importantly, I like you. There's a reason I friended you all, and there's a reason I keep you as friends and hope you keep me as well. I greatly appreciate that I can share in your lives in these small ways, and share in this common love of the show Supernatural, its characters, and cast/crew.

Please, just be excellent to each other?

Anyway. Stuff I have to do first, but what I want to do is find feel-good, uplifting, hopeful fic and just hide and wallow. Though I also kind of want to see if I have a DVD of Bill & Ted, and watch it and try to get rid of this stupid urge to cry I've had since waking up. I'm too old to be like this--I'm 37 not 17.
whitereflection: (winchesters diner)
So the other day James brought a bag of cherries home from work. Yeah, he works in an ag/enviromental lab. His coworkers leave the weirdest stuff on the 'free to take' table in their breakroom.

So these were obviously home grown, small and tart, and this afternoon I tried my hand at pitting cherries. I don't own a cherry pitter (but I think I'll pick a cheap one up), so I tried this method I found online of using a metal tip from a pastry/icing set to push the pit out. It actually worked okay, though I used the writing tip which tended to slide off the pits--I probably should have used the smallest star tip. But yeah, a mess of cherry juice everywhere, didn't seem to stain though. Ended up making cherry syrup from it all, since the skins had a lot of blemishes and bruising and that way I could just sieve the solids out. I'll have to pick up some good ice cream to serve it on.

Also made sticky rice from the recipe off a can of coconut milk (I've got a fresh mango I'll serve with), and a Thai-style peanut sauce to have with the marinated flank steak I'll do in a bit.

So, that whole thing where I cook a bunch when I feel really useless as well as guilty about not being productive and intelligent like you all? Yeah. Definitely there today, and probably a bit this whole week.

Saw this on the CakeWrecks blog, thought it was amusing considering how many on my flist are into the World Cup of late:
whitereflection: (winchesters bickering married couple)
It's funny that the thing I was looking forward to doing most for [ profile] spnland was writing, and ironically, what's the thing I haven't been able to do almost at all since it started? Yeah. Started out okay, but ever since.... Nearly nothing. Wouldn't even call it being blocked or locked up, because that implies there's something there to block or lock up. There's just really nothing in my head, writing-wise. And I'm gonna just laugh at myself for the whole "I wanna be a poet" thing, because yeah. To write as a career, you have to be able to, you know.... There's just no words, not for fan stuff, not for original projects.

Naturally, I actually had one idea for this one challenge due tomorrow (love letter from one character to another), and I was like yay and worked on it, and then realized the rules state it's got to be major, named characters and what I had won't work, not a bit. Sooo yeah. Awesomes. Least there's games there, because that's the only stuff I seem to be able to accomplish. That and voting on things.

I guess I could understand if I were just having trouble with character-focused things, because I'm a pretty lousy fan that just isn't as into secondary characters all that much, and some I'm outright *blah* on. I mean, yeah, I like Bobby and some others, but really if it isn't Sam or Dean (or okay, maybe the Impala), I just don't get too motivated. But there's been plenty of general writing challenges that don't demand certain characters, in which I could have written with Sam and Dean. Yet still no inspiration or success at motivating myself.

Then lately when I see everyone talking about their big bang projects, I get the little thought in my head of "Next year I'll try that!". Hey, self? Yeah. This is me pointing and laughing at you. LoooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooool. Pull the other one, it's got bells on. Dumbass.

At least I can accomplish things in WoW (Nin to 72, Sampala to 17), that's worth something right? Right? Yeah, didn't think so. :|

August 2012

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