Jul. 30th, 2010

whitereflection: (winchesters this is the sign)

Took Mom out for dinner for her 60th yesterday, and gave her the Kindle that my brother, his gf, and the husband and I all got for her (for birthday and Christmas, at least for James and I, considering our budget). She's very gleeful about it.

Realized it's been over 3 years since I posted Put Your Hands Into The Fire (a KHII thing for that one springkink community). That one to this day remains the only thing I've written that I not only like, but have read/reread for my own enjoyment. I think the thing I miss most about AkuRoku was feeling like I actually could do (at least my interpretation of) the characters right, that I actually had a bit of confidence/comfortability with them and didn't feel so awkward (and I feel like I did schmoop better back then, too). Definitely the reverse for writing for SPN now--I have yet to really feel comfortable in Sam and Dean's heads, and even Our Endless Numbered Days isn't one I truly like (I see so many things I did wrong with it, ugh. How the hell did it ever get recced.).

It's funny, I've written four short things and one long piece for both fandoms. Though that doesn't count any [livejournal.com profile] spnland work (which in a way I don't consider because some/most of it was half-assed, none was beta'd or submitted to any communities) or poetry (I have trouble counting poetry amongst fanwork in a way because sometimes it feels like fandom doesn't really count it--like at some of the comms that track fanworks for a pairing, they'll note fic, serial fic, bigbangs, drabbles, art, videos...but not poetry.). If I counted all that, I've done more for SPN, which makes me even more frustrated with feeling like such a bumbling newbie still.

Am worrying about the challenge I signed up for at [livejournal.com profile] summer_sam_love. The germ of an idea I had (I claimed doing a fic tag for Swan Song) has refused to spark and feels pretty much dead. And I just can't seem to generate any other ideas at all, especially ones that haven't already been done and done again, and aren't just completely 2-D, flat and lifeless. I worry that I need to contact them and give the episode to someone else to claim--but I so wanted to do *something*, you know? I really, really think Sam is awesome and just wanted to *show* that somehow. Bah. I dunno. Maybe I'll give it another week or so.

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