Melodramatic Fool

Another episode of How I Suck At Everything. This time, tabletop gaming edition. Can't wait for the next episode, online computer game edition (part eleventy-billion), coming tonight. Yeah, I know, just downhormonemo, but still. Just would like to do things and, preferably, be good at them, or at least just be able to do them and have fun without having to always having it pointed out that I'm fucking up. (And it bothers me when I try to talk about it with someone, and I don't get empathy or sympathy, just get blown off. Thanks.) Sometimes I think, is this the way things really are supposed to be--40 more years of just kind of being a screw-up? I just, seriously, what's the point. It's too bad I have no interest in children, my own or adopted, so I could at least feel like I accomplished something.

Funeral for my uncle is on Tuesday, at practically the exact same time my dentist appointment should have been. So first thing Monday I have to call my dentist and re-reschedule (funny thing how I just rescheduled last week because their office-closed days changed).

Been a fuckin cranky old woman the past couple days. Just...annoyed by stupid crap, and feeling like I am totally missing something by the way I simply don't care about certain things that others fan so hard they're all but in hysterics. I dunno, I guess, I just don't go hysterical about celebrities, and I still just am missing *something* about the one that like the whole fandom is nuts over--and I don't gush over celebrity couples, so when people freaking go insane about them, I just am like "...um, okay?" I dunno. I guess I'm just too old, too cynical and jaded, or something. And I'm a fucking picky bitch, too--saw a fic posted to some comm last night that if I didn't have a brain-to-typing filter, so *so* wanted to comment "Ohmygod, are you 12 or something?" So hi, I am a horrible person and full of unpopular opinions and bad thoughts.

So tired... Not sleeping well, allergies, still that flu shot?, that time depleting my iron and will to live, who knows. The pumpkin spice instant coffee drink thing isn't helping terribly much.

I need to do my 10min/100 words. >_< Honestly, how hard is that. NOT AT ALL. Yet I'm failing at getting started, because tired. Wah. Dear self: quit being a wench and just write, you stupid bitch.

Must vote this evening. Trying to avoid politics and articles/discussions thereof, though. Hate politics, so so much. Just hate the whole...*handflail* everything about it, the attitudes people get toward each other, the way so many treat each other over differences of belief and opinion. And it always seems to highlight how much selfishness, self-centeredness, and greed there is in those of my city/state/country. Just gets me down/frustrated, makes me want to avoid it all.

RIGHT. Time to go write. And by write, I mean stare at a blank, white file and bitch and moan to myself. Woo.

So when leaving the grocery store, got caught up in some congestion in the parking lot. A lawn service truck and trailer cuts in front of me, but can't completely make the turn, so the dude just makes the congestion worse. I honked at him when he cut me off...and the dude turns to us (mom was in the car, too), and through his open window makes crying motions at us. When we're stopped at the intersection to leave the parking lot, he sat there making more taunting gestures at us.

I'm trying to get ahold of the business, since I could see the name of it on the truck (uh, hello), as well as make note of what the truck and trailer it was pulling's license plates. Haven't been able to get ahold of them though, just a machine. Sounds like it might just be a family business, so I hope to hell I get the woman who did the answering machine message and not the guy (who I'm assuming was the dude driving the truck WAY TO BE A BUSINESS OWNER SIR).

So not like anyone on my flist is from Nebraska, much less from Omaha or the areas that truck screenprinting indicated the business covered (Fremont, Blair, Lincoln), but I figured it was worth noting the business name since this ends up on the internet and can be websearched. Landmark Lawn service who from what I could tell was from 29 county (truck plate 29-8266 and trailer plate ending in -X6654), has an employee/potential owner with extremely poor professionalism and who frankly is a prick while driving his company's vehicle.


Still v. irritable about the extended family situation, now pissed at this (I'd be just annoyed if it were some person in a private car, but a business owner in the business vehicle? PISSED.) And late this afternoon I get to drive to my brother's MFA (creative writing) graduation. Yay for him (his 4th damned degree, christ), but it's an hour drive either way, plus the ceremony time plus the fact that we're supposed to get there 45 min before it even begins. Lovely.

[Edit: I love getting the impression that a parental unit doesn't think I know how to dress appropriately for a graduation. I am, you know, nearly 37 and have attended many official ceremonies and I do have some common sense. I may be a loser slacker-slob, but I'm, you know, going to change into a nice shirt and not stay in this worn out Warcraft shirt. I've still got a few brains left.]

Asdfdkfjf. How can my brain be so *tired* and so going a mile a minute at the same time? spnland's latest game thing is awesome, but my eyes started crossing from comment thread overdose.

I swear, I am so close to telling my guild that I don't want to raid anymore. At least I don't want to leave. I don't think. At the moment. I am just so tired of drama and upheaval and stress and emo tantrums. It's funny, when I'm hanging with the DotA gals lately on Bronzebeard, just levelling, I'm happy, content. It's relaxing. Yet every raid night over on E'T is some hullaballoo or another that is just making it uncomfortable to *be* there. Always feeling pissed off at one person or another. I remember from when I started there, up until a while ago, we could do progression raiding and *gasp* still have it be an easygoing and fun atmosphere. There was the occasional hiccup (the first GM I knew leaving and trying to break up the guild, a problem 'princess'), but in between we did well, raiding was cool. Now I dread it, and my dread's shown to be valid every damned night. I dunno.

Sad thing is, is except for the Lich King fight (25 at least) I *like* raiding still. I'd want to keep doing it if people weren't starting to be crappy, and if the LK fight weren't burning me (hell, not that we even *got* to him this raid week). I want to see the Ruby Sanctum thing they're coming up with soon. But I'm so sick of it being so horrid tense and all this childish behavior going on *every* *damned* raid night. Honestly, don't they notice that someone who was around on offnights working on Wynnchester suddenly only shows up on official raid nights? Don't they think that's meaningful about the whole tone of the guild right now?

Anyway. Shutting up about that. Muscle knot that's been flaring up in my right neck/shoulder (I guess to balance the one that I tend to get where left shoulder/neck meet) said HAI THERE and woke me up. Motrin + cherry pit hotpack on and off all day, and but it's still cranky and redeveloping whenever I tense or move wrong. As a right-side sleeper, this is gonna be interesting. :|

Wow. The friend of mine who got me to transfer from Nightmare Walking on Hellscream to Dauntless on Eldre'thalas just up and posted he's leaving the guild. Back when we were in NW, he talked to me in private and in messages to forewarn me that he was leaving. In Dauntless, when it looked like the guild was being disbanded, he was massively apologetic and all but angsting that he'd gotten me to spend money to transfer. But this? No messages, no in-game mails or whispers. Just out of the blue, I find out like any other schmo in the guild.

Huh. I guess that says a lot. How things have changed. I wonder if he even feels any sort of regret to the now four of us who followed him over (five if you count our other friend's alts). Well, whatever. Or something. I dunno. Fucking transitory nature of online gaming. Worse than fandoms, and that's saying a lot.

But yeah, definite hurt feelings here. Says a *lot* after how he handled leaving NW and when he thought Dauntless was breaking up, compared to how he's just left now. And that lot is "even after a couple years of being friends, I'm as pissed at you and think as little of you as the rest of them, and I no longer care."