I am a *DISASTAH*. Ffffffffff.

[whitereflection]

So, anyone remember my cooking fail #3245340989 back awhile ago when I reheated chicken in the oven on an airbake pan (the sort that has holes in the bottom), and nearly set my oven on fire because of the grease/oil pooling on the bottom?

Stupid mistake, but you learn, and life goes on, right? RIGHT?

The other night, I made garlic bread. Margarine all over this bread, in the oven, on the airbake pan with holes in the bottom. I had a momentary thought of, oh hey, maybe I should put foil under these but thought naaah, why would I need to. I had no idea that there was enough margarine that it would seep out of the bread slices (admittedly, a hard-crusty sort). But it did, and thus oil on the bottom of the stove, started to burn and smoke, set off the smoke alarm. So yeah, another stupid, but I guess another one of those learning-stupid sorts of things.

IT GETS BETTER.

After the chicken, I cleaned the bottom of the stove, got all the oil up.

After this garlic bread--I didn't even think to check the oven. Didn't even look. I think I just sort of assumed oh hey, surely there wasn't that much oil there.

Guess what. There was a lot of oil. And it was still there when I went to pre-heat the oven to start cooking dinner a bit ago.

Didn't just smoke, it SMOKED. House was fucking *filled* with smoke. Had to open the front door, patio door, garage door, and get the kitchen ceiling fans on high, and turn on all the box fans to try to blow air toward the open doors. It stinks in here. And now I've got to let the rest burn away (I won't lie--this was probably stupid, too but I have to admit I pulled out oven racks and found a rag I didn't mind trashing, soaked it with hot water, and sopped up the remaining oil best I could.) so I can even attempt to cook, because how awesome will stuff taste when it's seasoned with burning, huh?

But seriously. Why am I so freaking stupid like that? Why do I make so many stupid, brainless mistakes like that. I allegedly have common sense. Now I'm like the 'gifted' kid in the old Far Side cartoon that's shown pushing on the door marked "pull". Good fucking grief. I swear, one of these days I'm going to end up killing us all because I'm a dumbass. : /

Comments

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

If it's any consolation, I'm a pretty epic cook but 1) I still can't cook eggs - it's burnt scrambled eggs or NOTHING - and 2) I once defrosted the freezer, put the ice in a bag to go out with the trash in the morning, and nature being nature, the ice melted overnight thus leading to me flooding the kitchen.

Cooking brings out the epic ditzes in all of us, I'm quite sure of it. *snuggleS*

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

At least, I know there are some things I do well and can rely that I won't screw them up at all. But wow, I really do so get frustrated when things go wrong. : / Because then they seem to go wrong in such a big way. ^^;

Speaking of awesome, that recipe you posted looks so incredibly good. o_o That would be amazing for fall and winter.

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

:D it is totally going to be another thing to add to my comfort food recipes for winter. I completely understand about the frustration though - I have been known to throw screaming hissy-fits when I fail at meringue-making for the THREE BILLIONTH TIME, yet I keep on going back to try again...

My most epic culinary disaster of recent years has to be when I didn't realise the difference between a 1000W microwave on full power and a 550W microwave on full power. It is entirely possible I wound up with a microwave coated all over in exploded partially raw chicken breast. Ewwwwww...

[mysticwaters.livejournal.com]

Awww, bb, it's ok! That kind of crap happens to everyone. You just gotta laugh it off. It will be a hilarious story to tell your grandkids someday. ;D

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

XD; Yeah, true. I just have such trouble with making dumb mistakes. I mean, growing up, it was *common* to laugh at my mother for her cooking hazards, because she was always setting off the smoke alarm (and one time making candied yams, with marshmellows on top, she forgot a timer entirely and didn't discover them until the marshmellows were already partly on fire and partly ash). But rather than feel like hey, I've got something in common with Mom, I tend to think OH FFFFFFFFU-, I'M TURNING INTO MY MOTHER D: D: D: Or something like that, heh.

[agent-jl36.livejournal.com]

You may not be able to laugh about it now, but in the future this will be a great story! You made me laugh because I've done crazy things like this. You'd think I'd learn to puncture spaghetti squash correctly. Nope. I've had 3 explode in my microwave. Looked like yellow brains everywhere! LOL!

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

XD Okay, I have to admit, that does make me grin. Mmmmmm, brains! Now I just have to hope I don't do like you, because it's only been in the last few months that I discovered the wonderfulness of microwaving spaghetti squash rather than cooking in the oven.

[joseishijin.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

♥

[akintay.livejournal.com]

Oh no :( (this sounds like something that could happen to me)

<3

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

I swear, I need to make myself an icon of a house on fire or something, and put on it "I'm cooking!"

♥

[santacarlagypsy.livejournal.com]

Now I'm like the 'gifted' kid in the old Far Side cartoon that's shown pushing on the door marked "pull". ~ Hee! I have to admit, that line right there made me actually laugh out loud. (Which I really needed right now, so thank you for that. ♥)

But if it's any consolation, I'm totally that 'gifted' kid too sometimes. So you definitely have company in that regard. :)