Four out of seven

[whitereflection]

Have you ever felt jealous of someone for something stupid, something incredibly petty? Something you have absolutely no right to begrudge them having or doing?

Obviously I have. And I hate myself for it. But instead of changing the problem once I've recognized it, I seem to be continuing to feel so, despite telling myself it's wrong to feel like that. And so I get even angrier at myself. And then it hit me that the thing I'm being jealous of, is something *I* myself have done, and recently at that. (I wonder if hypocrisy is one of the seven deadly sins...?)

And as open as I can be on here, I don't feel I can discuss specifics of what I'm feeling and why. Because as much as I can talk about, I find it more than a little difficult to talk about things that make me look bad, and this really would, it's so petty, so wrong to feel when it involves those I care about. How can I be like this?? So guess I need to add pride to the list, with envy. And the root of why I'm feeling jealous most likely has to do with a sort of greed, so add that, too--and probably has to do with the things I feel for another person, so perhaps that's related to lust, in a way. Love and lust are so tangled together, anyway...

So envy, greed, pride, lust--are there others I can add? (I know I suffer from gluttony and sloth, but at least they don't seem to tie into this particular case.) I wonder what that last of the seven is. I can't remember at the moment. But I guess I digress. I guess I just don't understand how I could begrudge those I care for so much anything that makes them happy, don't understand how I could feel envy for it. What sort of person has feelings like that? Especially to feel such things repeatedly over time--and again and again the me that stands outside of myself yells at me to stop, but I don't. Sometimes I successfully stuff the feeling away, but that's only hiding it for a short time, and it inevitably comes back.

Have other, happy, things I wanted to chat about, but they don't belong here, to be sullied by this craptastic part of me. So let's just end this bit of garbage. >p

Empty, please refill...

Comments

[joseishijin.livejournal.com]

It's okay, Di. I know exactly how you feel. ^_^

I think murder is number 7 on the seven deadly sins BTW, but I could be wrong. I am not exactly well-versed in the biblical arts. >_<

*huggies*

[datenshiblue.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

I, too know how you feel, I think, or at least have to wrestle with something that sounds dead-on similar. If you ever figure out how to make the feelings go away, share with me, please? ^^;;

I might be the last person on earth you'd think about talking to about stuff any more but if you need/want to, I'll listen without judgement.

*hugs*

Wrath/Anger

[lems.livejournal.com]

Anger is the one you missed. And the thing about the sins is that everyone suffers from them, at some time. I know I do. The thing is, I know at times you also exemplify the virtues... Faith, Hope, Fortitude, Justice, Charity, Temperence and Prudence....

*hugs* I'd like to list out why you're such a great person. I know I love you to pieces, with or without faults. :)

Let me know if you'd like to talk or anything..

[jupiterjones.livejournal.com]

Hi Sweetie,

Don't trouble your head about the jealousy thing. It's in the nature of human beings to want things. I'm reminded of "Silence of the Lambs" when Lector talks about coveting. "We covet that which we see every day." If it's some object, or person, or way of life, or hairstyle, everyone has something that they hunger for. Just know that you aren't alone.

Huggles.. and may all your wishes come true.

In the meantime, write stuff down, mentally tirade at who you need to tirade at, then have a nice long bath and take many trips down fantasy lane... where you can whatever the hell you want ... guilt free. ^_^

Smootchies...

V..

"All I want is what's coming to me.. All I want is my fair share." Sally from "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

[mixmastatiki.livejournal.com]

I get jealous over the tiniest and pettiest things sometimes. But ya know, it's the small things that end up making the biggest difference in our lives.

[tokkan.livejournal.com]

It's been said before, I'm sure, but it's in human nature to be like that, Di... And I have a good idea that you're not the type to let this kinda thing rule you, or to act on these emotions...

Personally, I think that your Virtues would greatly outweigh the sins, especially since you see yourself doing it, you're much better off than most people in the world...

*Hugs* Everyone has their flaws, and their envious feelings Di... But it's how we react to them is what is important...

[mintaka00.livejournal.com]

Hey you, you want to know something? I met you and I liked you. And then I got to know you better and I liked you more.

Good lord, lookie at that, one of the grey hairs just fell out on the keyboard. Is that a sign?

This may not be what you want to hear at the moment but... sometimes you have to sit back and indulge in those emotions that society labels as "bad". What a foolish name tag. Go ahead, wallow in them, roll around and complete them. Because we are alive and we are mortal and it's part of what makes us interesting.

You, through your own admitted fears, care more than the majority. That makes you a person who teaches me, brings joy into my life.

Don’t be turned off by your dimensions. Look at them, experience them. You are not wrong to have them.

Come over here, sit with me and let's be green together. Kermit always said it was special, if not easy, to be green.

[hijiri.livejournal.com]

::tries to hug you till you feel full again, and if that fails, she just clings and snuggles for all she's worth::

I'll take you and every single one of your faults with them. ::snuggles:: everything about you makes you worth it to me a million, million times.

Seriously. If you need to rant, give me a call! ::flails:: we haven't done that in forever have we ::plots:: may call anyway just to shoot the breeze. I miss my Di-ness so damned much. ::huggles you::

zutto, zutto
~Hijiri~