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The best laid plans...
Jan. 25th, 2003 04:23 pmI'd originally thought to get some very needed AIM time last night, then after dozing off at a couple stoplights on the way home from work, I thought maybe I'd crash and sleep again. Ended up not doing either of these tho. Turns out Anj had a message that her Dad is going to need some rather serious neck surgery, and she was really worked up and in need of just hanging out. We took her over some food, and watched some of our HK subs of Azumanga Daioh as she was, and is, needing some light-fluffy stuff as a distraction.
I worry a lot about her Dad. He's got rheumatoid arthritis, severe osteoporosis (he's lost at least several inches of height), and has damage to his body from an overprescription of Prednasone some years back, plus the side effects of the meds he's on now. It's...kinda scary to see. He's not that much older than my parents, maybe not as old as James' parents--and he's really, really aged faster than they have. Hell, he's barely able to walk with a walker now, and Anj has to go visit him once a month to clean his house--and he gets Meals on Wheels to not have to cook at the time. I've mentioned him before, but looking at it now, I'm really sure someone who looked fine 10 years ago, pretty decent 5 years ago, but who has degenerated to the point of being basically housebound and almost incapacitated, will probably not even be around after a couple of years. And then this surgery...
Basically, his vertebrae have been collapsing together slowly from the osteoporosis, and now it's pinching spinal nerves. If he doesn't get this neck surgery, he will end up paralyzed for sure. If he does get the surgery...well, his health is so bad, a lot of things could happen. He could come through the surgery fine, or he could end up paralyzed anyway. Or, there could be even worse complications.
So yeah, Anj is worked up. And we're going to be hanging out with her again tonight, give her someone to lean on and a place to anchor to. I even had my Mom call her (since Mom's fond of her anyway, and hasn't seen or talked to her in ages), and give support and advice on what questions Anj should ask her Dad's doctors. (Mom used to be a nurse, and has herself been through a lot of medical care, hospitalizations, and surguries for her asthma and tracheostomy problems).
Anyway, we're kinda doing for Anj what we can. It is kinda hitting me tho. So much is happening lately, with grandparents growing ill and dying, with parents becoming ill, with parents just aging and becoming older adults rather than just adults as I've been used to. And it's just...I don't know. It feels wrong to be at the stage of my life where grandparents are gone, and parents are aging into their place. I'm not ready for my Mom and Dad to be saying, with all seriousness, that they are feeling old. I'm not ready for anyone I know to have parents dying of age or of bodies wearing down/wearing out. I feel like I'm echoing Moe with the "I'm not ready, I'm not ready!" refrain. But I'm *not* ready to be losing the last of my grandparents yet, not ready for anyone I know to be losing parents, not ready to see my parents as anything but young.
I don't mind getting older--I have been looking forward to my 30s/40s/beyond. But I do get bothered at the concept of losing family, of having friends lose family (I can't help hurting for those I am close to). And I get bothered when I realize not just how time is moving solidly forward, but at how *fast* it's doing so anymore--it scares the living crap out of me. My first 10 years took forever, my second ten years went by fairly fast, and my third ten have been a blink of an eye--how long will my next ten take, then the next? Almost no time at all... That...that gets to me. So much I'm just not ready for. And January's almost gone by already--2003 just got here, and January's almost freaking gone. It's...like I said, it gets to me.
Anyway...hauled ass on getting things done here today--bills, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning up cat messes (three hairballs, thanks you little bastard beasts), dishes, etc. I'm glad I had a little chance to at least do lj, since I feel like it's the only way I feel connected to anyone out there anymore. I'm behind on email again (though looking at the old stuff reminds me yet again that I've been wanting to put together my cel gallery one of these days *sighs*). And like I said, we're gonna hang out with Anj some more tonight--gotta get her caught up on Sakura as she's still on first season (Kelly's finished it, Gina's on third season). Got more stuff I need to do tomorrow (like clothes shopping, which I hate to do--why do tough things like denim jeans wear out so damned quickly?), but I guess I'll get to that when I get to it.
Hi to all, and *hugs* and love to everyone, and sorry to be alternately in a dark mood or so busy as to not have time to hang out. Am feeling very guilty about neglecting people (especially Nix and Kea, who I haven't gotten in contact with at all in ages...or Jenn, or Sue...or...*very frustrated sighs*). Bah, guess I'd better get out of here before I sink into another "I suck" rant. :p And I need more motrin anyway (thanks to vacuuming for more of that headache thing I can't shake).
Ah, Anj's here. Laters.v
I worry a lot about her Dad. He's got rheumatoid arthritis, severe osteoporosis (he's lost at least several inches of height), and has damage to his body from an overprescription of Prednasone some years back, plus the side effects of the meds he's on now. It's...kinda scary to see. He's not that much older than my parents, maybe not as old as James' parents--and he's really, really aged faster than they have. Hell, he's barely able to walk with a walker now, and Anj has to go visit him once a month to clean his house--and he gets Meals on Wheels to not have to cook at the time. I've mentioned him before, but looking at it now, I'm really sure someone who looked fine 10 years ago, pretty decent 5 years ago, but who has degenerated to the point of being basically housebound and almost incapacitated, will probably not even be around after a couple of years. And then this surgery...
Basically, his vertebrae have been collapsing together slowly from the osteoporosis, and now it's pinching spinal nerves. If he doesn't get this neck surgery, he will end up paralyzed for sure. If he does get the surgery...well, his health is so bad, a lot of things could happen. He could come through the surgery fine, or he could end up paralyzed anyway. Or, there could be even worse complications.
So yeah, Anj is worked up. And we're going to be hanging out with her again tonight, give her someone to lean on and a place to anchor to. I even had my Mom call her (since Mom's fond of her anyway, and hasn't seen or talked to her in ages), and give support and advice on what questions Anj should ask her Dad's doctors. (Mom used to be a nurse, and has herself been through a lot of medical care, hospitalizations, and surguries for her asthma and tracheostomy problems).
Anyway, we're kinda doing for Anj what we can. It is kinda hitting me tho. So much is happening lately, with grandparents growing ill and dying, with parents becoming ill, with parents just aging and becoming older adults rather than just adults as I've been used to. And it's just...I don't know. It feels wrong to be at the stage of my life where grandparents are gone, and parents are aging into their place. I'm not ready for my Mom and Dad to be saying, with all seriousness, that they are feeling old. I'm not ready for anyone I know to have parents dying of age or of bodies wearing down/wearing out. I feel like I'm echoing Moe with the "I'm not ready, I'm not ready!" refrain. But I'm *not* ready to be losing the last of my grandparents yet, not ready for anyone I know to be losing parents, not ready to see my parents as anything but young.
I don't mind getting older--I have been looking forward to my 30s/40s/beyond. But I do get bothered at the concept of losing family, of having friends lose family (I can't help hurting for those I am close to). And I get bothered when I realize not just how time is moving solidly forward, but at how *fast* it's doing so anymore--it scares the living crap out of me. My first 10 years took forever, my second ten years went by fairly fast, and my third ten have been a blink of an eye--how long will my next ten take, then the next? Almost no time at all... That...that gets to me. So much I'm just not ready for. And January's almost gone by already--2003 just got here, and January's almost freaking gone. It's...like I said, it gets to me.
Anyway...hauled ass on getting things done here today--bills, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning up cat messes (three hairballs, thanks you little bastard beasts), dishes, etc. I'm glad I had a little chance to at least do lj, since I feel like it's the only way I feel connected to anyone out there anymore. I'm behind on email again (though looking at the old stuff reminds me yet again that I've been wanting to put together my cel gallery one of these days *sighs*). And like I said, we're gonna hang out with Anj some more tonight--gotta get her caught up on Sakura as she's still on first season (Kelly's finished it, Gina's on third season). Got more stuff I need to do tomorrow (like clothes shopping, which I hate to do--why do tough things like denim jeans wear out so damned quickly?), but I guess I'll get to that when I get to it.
Hi to all, and *hugs* and love to everyone, and sorry to be alternately in a dark mood or so busy as to not have time to hang out. Am feeling very guilty about neglecting people (especially Nix and Kea, who I haven't gotten in contact with at all in ages...or Jenn, or Sue...or...*very frustrated sighs*). Bah, guess I'd better get out of here before I sink into another "I suck" rant. :p And I need more motrin anyway (thanks to vacuuming for more of that headache thing I can't shake).
Ah, Anj's here. Laters.v
