10 things I hate about...

[whitereflection]

Really feeling disgusted with myself today, extremely so. God, I don't like myself sometimes. I don't like it when I act like an idiot, when I act like a spoiled, petulant, whining child, when I'm clueless and thoughtless and rude. I don't like it when I'm weak and needy, pathetic and clingy, depressive and bitchy. And yet, for all that I don't like myself those ways, I sure don't seem to keep myself from being like that, do I? If I *really* meant it that I didn't want to be those ways, I'd change, wouldn't I? I'd find ways to fix the problems, and to become difrerent, wouldn't I?

And I still don't know how to see in myself the things that others see in me. I just can't seem to see those things--can't seem to understand enough to believe that they're real. It just leaves me with this feeling that they surely are mistaken.

It's kind of funny, how the silences can speak such volumes to me--while words that are actually said, that are yelled even, are like whispers that I never quite hear.

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[hijiri.livejournal.com]

::loves you til you feel better ::ponders:: and a couple centuries after:: purrsandsnuggles::

Daijoubu itooshi-ai ::grins:: if needed, I'll keep repeating, your beautiful, bright, warm, caring, considering, and way too hard on yourself. ::slurps::

~Hijiri~