ahahahwhat
Jun. 16th, 2010 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitereflectionhttp://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=567
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=568
http://www.tor.com/stories/2010/06/a-softer-world-15
I swear, ASW would make the freaking best Supernatural fic prompts. Best, I say.
Omg,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
spnland is overrrrrrrr *flails* Well, the apocalypse is over, but points are still being tallied and there's not been an official announcement of a winner quite yet (though we pretty much know which team it is already). The next apocalypse will start July 1, and I think I am going to be crazy and join in again (woo! \o/). Omg, I did a fan thing and I didn't get overwhelmed and give up partway through I actually finished it yaaaaaaaaay. \o/ And speaking of spnland...
Title: SPN3k
Fandoms: Supernatural/Mystery Science Theater 3000 fusion
Pairings: previous John/Mary
Ratings: PG
Warnings: Seriously this is me being a complete weirdo.
theme song!
In a time just like the present
Next Friday evening (not Thursday)
There was a guy named John
With two boys named Sammy and Dean (It's Sam now)
He got a job on a scientist's cleaning crew
But the scientist was mad, and a demon, too
John gave him an exorcism to the face
Which pissed the demon off big time
So it shot them into space (wtf?)
It sent up evil monsters
For the Winchesters to fight (la-la-la)
Now it's the family business
To hunt things every night (la-la-la)
The boys grew up, then John vanished
But fighting monsters didn't end
Sam and Dean still kept hunting things
With the help of their robot friends
Robot Roll Call:
Cas-bot! (Assbutt.)
Ruby! (The first one!)
Bob-Servo (You idjits.)
Joooooooooo (But Mom...!)
If someone thinks that this fic makes no sense
and posts some anon wank (oh F.S.!)
I'll just think to myself, "I got my points,
that's all I cared about, thanks!"
Supernatural 3000 Crossed Out Challenge~
*****
So way back when, or not that long ago, there was this guy named John. John was a widower, having only recently lost his wife, Mary, and was left with caring for their boys, Sam and Dean, alone. But raising kids is good golly expensive, and John had to take a second job.
Really, it wasn't a bad job, being a night janitor at some scientific institute. Or it wouldn't have been a bad job, if the scientist he worked for wasn't, you know, mad. Or a demon.
No really, a demon. A mean one, with yellow eyes, and who decided it was in need of an apprentice.
Now whether old Yellow Eyes (whose name was actually Azazel, but John really didn't give a rat about that bit) wanted an apprentice for the mad scientist part or an apprentice for the demon part, John never found out, but that wasn't important, because the apprentice YED wanted was Sam, John's youngest. And the hell John was going to allow that!
So John said many R-rated things to the Yellow-Eyed Demon mad scientist guy, with Dean and Sam cheering him on (because they'd snuck along with him that night, since, you know, that's what boys do). And while he couldn't do anything about the mad scientist part, John had discovered a book called My First Exorcisms at the library, so at least he could do something about the whole demon thing.
Except Yellow Eyes didn't like John's attitude and it really didn't like the whole exorcism to the face thing. So it decided the best solution to the whole problem was to load the whole Winchester family onto YED's newest scientific breakthrough, a satellite that may or may not have been shaped like a giant 1967 Chevy Impala (YED might be a demon and a mad scientist, but that didn't mean it didn't have style)--and then shot the Impala-satellite out into low orbit.
John was, to put it mildly, extremely unhappy about this turn of events. Dean and Sam, on the other hand, thought this was the coolest thing EVER, because they were boys and, dude, space.
But old Yellow Eyes didn't leave it just at that, because hello, mad scientist. So he decided the Winchesters were going to be his next grand experiment, and by experiment it really meant YED sent them all sorts of creepy, nasty, evil, wicked, and kind of cheesy monsters that John and the boys had to fight.
And so Dean and Sam grew up hunting things with John, and saving, well, themselves (though really it could be thought of as saving other people too, because all the monsters YED was sending them were monsters the demon wasn't unleashing upon a hapless populace.) Thus hunting became a sort of family business, if by business one meant they had to do it because of being trapped up in space in an Impala-shaped satellite.
Other than hunting the monster of the week (or at times monster of the day, because in addition to being a mad scientist and a demon, old Yellow Eyes was sort of a prick), Sam and Dean got an education. And not just an education about monsters and nasty supernatural things. No, Sam discovered that the satellite had cool things like computers and eventually there were such things as the internet and wifi and online universities. And Dean discovered that the Impala-satellite was the best thing ever and was a she and she loved him and he called her Baby (he also discovered the concept of a G.E.D., because Sam wouldn't stop nagging at him about the whole online university thing).
And that's how Dean became a mechanical engineering whiz, and Sam ended up with doctorate degrees in astrophysics and robotics. Robotics? Oh yes, you see, over time it got annoying always fighting monsters on their own, so Sam created some robot friends to help the Winchesters. Though unfortunately he wasn't so good at the Artificial Intelligence parts, so Bob-Servo ended up snarky and crotchety (though a brilliant encyclopedia of all knowledge supernatural), Cas-bot's unblinking stare as it filmed everything all the time mostly felt sort of creepy, and Dean swore up and down that Ruby had gone rogue and had started to help the Yellow Eyed Demon. And Jo, well Jo kept trying to self destruct when fighting the monsters. Which was sort of bad considering the whole satellite up in the endless, black, airless void of space thing.
Then one day John Winchester disappeared. Well, okay, he didn't actually disappear. See, he got this idea that he could use the escape pod to launch himself back down to Earth. Then he could confront YED again, this time with a much better and much faster exorcism, and then assume control of the Impala-satellite and bring Dean and Sam back home. Which was a great idea, really, except the bit where he didn't notice the trajectory programmed into the escape pod went away from Earth instead of towards it, and yeah.
So John might or might not have launched himself out towards Pluto (which may or may not be a planet, depending on your point of view), destined for solar systems unknown. And by unknown, this means a new galaxy containing The Planet of Beautiful Women, which might be a great thing or might not be a great thing if they all hate male creatures of any kind (though the truth of which is they're mostly neutral on guys, some like them and some don't, since of course no race is a hive mind with just one point of view. And in the end it's a great thing because John discovers there's a woman there who's the spitting image of one Mary Winchester and who just happens to be his age and who is one of the Planet of Beautiful Women who thinks male creatures are pretty okay. So, you know, bow chikka wow wow, wink wink nudge nudge, and all that.)
And back at the Impala-satellite, Dean and Sam kept fighting the monsters and nasty supernatural things that the Yellow-Eyed Demon sent them, because that's what they do. And because there was only one escape pod, whoops, too bad about that. Which brings us then to the present day. Or the future-present. To next Thursday-I-mean-Friday. That's the ticket.
So it was a pretty typical day. Dean was fixing a clunk he'd heard in the Impala-satellite's engines that morning (okay, so maybe it was a clunk no one else could hear, but dangit he wanted to make sure his Baby's engines purred so well there weren't enough r's in the English language to describe said purrrrrrrrr) and Sam was inventing a device to turn the ectoplasm from the last ghost they'd fought into a tasty marshmallow fluff. Cas-bot was...watching them, watching with an unblinking stare as it filmed (because it could and did film everything, everywhere in the ship, all the time, so don't think too hard on that. Yeah, creepy.) A bored Bob-Servo and Jo were trying to act out the baseball batting a printer scene of Office Space on one of Sam's failed inventions (a gadget that didn't teleport up fresh-baked cherry pie from a diner in rural Wisconsin, but instead teleported in a drooling tentacled beast from Alpha Centauri), and Ruby who wasn't in cahoots with the Yellow Eyed Demon no really yelled to the boys that YED was hollering at them from the viewscreen.
"So, boys," YED said when the group assembled (though everyone very pointedly made sure not to ask Bob-Servo and Jo anything about the baseball bats). "I have a very special monster for you two today. A very, very special monster. A monster that finally will best you two. But don't worry--when it does, I'll make sure to spare your miserable little lives when Sam agrees to be my apprentice." The sound of crickets greeted his announcement (or rather, an mp3 of crickets chirping, due to the lack of crickets in space), as the group occupied itself doing things not involving paying attention to old Yellow Eyes--Sam and Dean sharing a beer that they hadn't had a moment ago, Bob-Servo and Jo playing checkers, Cas-bot filming everything as well as setting up a live feed of a liquor store in Des Moines, and Ruby sticking a pin in a voodoo doll of Dean.
"That's it," Yellow Eyes growled to itself. It uncovered a nearby special button on his keyboard console--a large, shiny, red, candylike button. "I'll teach you to not pay attention to me." And with an appropriately mad scientist sort of cackle, it smacked its hand down on the button. "APOCALYPSE!"
Bells and whistles and klaxons resounded on the Impala-satellite in a cacophony of jangling-wailing-howling noise. Lights flashed and sparked, sirens wailed, and the boys and their robots flailed about as the Impala shook. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod apocalyyyyyyyyyypse!"
And then it stopped.
"Right. I hate to pull out a one-time use Apocalypse Generator so soon, but sometimes morons require drastic measures. So do I have your attention now?" YED had its arms crossed, tapping its foot on the floor.
"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever," Dean ran a hand over his hair, adjusted his leather jacket and made sure his collar was popped just so as behind him Sam picked himself up off the floor, set Jo back on the lab bench, and retrieved Bob-Servo's hat (and head) from under a nearby desk. "Don't get your panties in a bunch, your demonic prickness."
"If there's anyone here that knows about panties, Deano, it'd be you, isn't that right?" YED arched an evil eyebrow.
Dean's voice sank down into the Batman registers. "Shut up I have no idea what you're talking about shut up."
"Pink and satiny~!" YED sing-songed. Behind Dean, Sam and the bots were all putting their fingers in their ears, or to the closest things they had resembling ears, and were going "La la la la la la" (except for Cas-bot, who was accessing certain image data files that we won't discuss right now and Ruby, who, despite being a robot still liked decent clothing, but who suddenly had a really horrible feeling about the underwear she'd been given way back when she'd been assembled and fled the room for a sonic shower).
Eventually the demon decided it had done enough mad scientist-laughing at Dean's expense and said, "Alrighty then, as I said, your monster today, is..." Suddenly it frowned, poking various keys on the console in front of its viewscreen and looking perplexed. "Meg!" it called for its assistant. "Meg, get in here!"
The YED's demonic mad scientist assistant, Meg, slinked into the room, the effect of which was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was currently possessing the meatsuit of a tubby, middle-aged male who from his outfit had previously been a construction worker (or a cast-off of The Village People). "You rang, your evil overlordship?"
"The monster, Meg! Where's my monster?" Yellow Eyes poked more at the keyboard, eventually mashing the keys in frustration. "There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom I mean a monster!"
"Oh well, yeah, about that," Meg suddenly looked even more shifty-eyed than usual. "There was this message, you know, from your bosses, I mean, from THE big boss-man himself, right, from Lucifer, right? And it may have been in regards to our uh, accounting and budget and I may have forgotten to tell you about it. Oops, my bad."
The Yellow-Eyed Demon stared at Meg. Meg stared back at the Yellow Eyed Demon. A long, long moment passed. Up on the Impala-satellite, Dean, Sam, and the bots were all eating popcorn and watching the viewscreen. "And what was this message about our budget, Meg?" YED finally asked.
"We're broke."
"Broke." YED arched an evil eyebrow, and it began to twitch.
"Yep, broke. No more money. Poof, gone. Luci's a bit...displeased. Mentioned something about an audit. And maybe something about write-ups for personnel files or firings or something, I dunno, I forget exactly what." Meg made the construction worker's body give an exaggerated shrug and put one hand on a jut-out hip.
On the Impala-satellite, Dean, Sam and the bots were throwing bits of popcorn at each other. "Awww, no more money?" Dean made a big-eyed frowny face Yellow Eyes. "That's too bad, isn't that right guys?"
"Yep, terrible thing." Sam nodded solemnly. "And it's really terrible how incredibly unsecure the budget database was."
"Oho, you don't say? Bob-Servo? Jo?" Dean said to the bots with them. "Say it with me, guys!" And he, Bob-Servo, and Jo all chorused together, "How unsecure was it?"
Sam yanked down a clipboard that hung from the ceiling by a bungee-type cord, check-marking certain points as he spoke. "Well you see, it was so unsecure that with only a little hacking and password cracking, it was able to be compromised and the funds therein used to purchase certain things like say, an immortal's lifetime subscription to xxxbustyasianbeautiesxxx.com and an airlock full of cases of Twinkies and M&Ms."
Now Dean was no vampire, but even Cas-bot would later agree that at that moment, Dean was sparkling. "A lifetime subscription...?"
Sam nodded, ducking his head and giving one of those small, shy smiles he was so good at.
"And an entire airlock full...?" Dean's voice was full of awe. As Sam nodded again, Dean started to grin the biggest grin ever. "Dude. Dude!" And all the bots had to take a moment to look at other things, you know, important air molecules and stuff, even Cas-Bot, because there may or may not have been brother hugs, and you know, sometimes moments like that are private. And by private, this means written about by the bots in their various fanfics later that evening.
Eventually Dean turned back to the viewscreen, where YED was very carefully bonking its head on the keyboard console again and again and again and muttering about being doomed. "Hey, don't look so Frowny McFrownypants over there, your royal brokeness! Just because you can't send monsters up here doesn't mean it's the end of the world."
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Especially since you wasted your Apocalypse Generator there already. Unfortunate thing, that." YED made a sound that was entirely not like a whimper, and bonked its head against the computer console harder.
"Hey, you know what you could do instead of sending monsters?" Dean snapped his fingers and put on his best inspiration face. "What'd be awesome and cheap, too? Instead of sending monsters up here, you could Netflix us up really cheesy movies!"
"How about good movies, Dean?" Sam rolled his eyes.
"Pff, whatever, Sam. Think about it, bad, cheesy monster movies, Dr. Y! Giant monsters attacking Tokyo, alien babes in metallic bikinis coming to conquer the Earth, it'd be great! I mean terrible. Awful. We'd have to suffer through them, or at least Sam would suffer." Dean grinned at YED from across the viewscreen, giving two thumbs up. "You'd wear him down to agreeing to be your apprentice in no time! Or well, maybe in a few decades." The Yellow Eyed Demon and Sam groaned in stereo. "Aww, c'mon, what? You guys are no fun."
A telephone in the YED's mad scientist lab started to ring, and Meg gave a theatrical wince. "Ooh, I bet that's the Big Boss calling back. Want me to take a message, Sir?" She, or at least the construction worker meatsuit, gave a saucy wink up at the boys in the viewscreen, silently mouthing, "We'll talk." She liked this bad movie idea, a lot. Heck, something like that might even be worth televising as some sort of reality show, if she could hock it to the right network executives. Which she would, considering she had a feeling a promotion might soon be at hand.
The Yellow-Eyed Demon just sighed, the sound muffled against the keyboard console, as the telephone kept ringing. "Just...just push the button, Meg." Which she did, and the viewscreen connection went dark.
End transmission. Queue credits and music.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE FIC.
Yeah. What is this I don't even \o/ I blame it on Team Hell's mod saying that bad fic was better than no fic at all. And I swear I caught a typo of a couple dropped words after I submitted it for the challenge, but hell if I can find where it was now. Ohwell \:p/ (Oh, and that was one of the two entries voted Most Creative. It was that, I guess. XD; )
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=568
http://www.tor.com/stories/2010/06/a-softer-world-15
I swear, ASW would make the freaking best Supernatural fic prompts. Best, I say.
Omg,
spnland is overrrrrrrr *flails* Well, the apocalypse is over, but points are still being tallied and there's not been an official announcement of a winner quite yet (though we pretty much know which team it is already). The next apocalypse will start July 1, and I think I am going to be crazy and join in again (woo! \o/). Omg, I did a fan thing and I didn't get overwhelmed and give up partway through I actually finished it yaaaaaaaaay. \o/ And speaking of spnland...Title: SPN3k
Fandoms: Supernatural/Mystery Science Theater 3000 fusion
Pairings: previous John/Mary
Ratings: PG
Warnings: Seriously this is me being a complete weirdo.
theme song!
In a time just like the present
Next Friday evening (not Thursday)
There was a guy named John
With two boys named Sammy and Dean (It's Sam now)
He got a job on a scientist's cleaning crew
But the scientist was mad, and a demon, too
John gave him an exorcism to the face
Which pissed the demon off big time
So it shot them into space (wtf?)
It sent up evil monsters
For the Winchesters to fight (la-la-la)
Now it's the family business
To hunt things every night (la-la-la)
The boys grew up, then John vanished
But fighting monsters didn't end
Sam and Dean still kept hunting things
With the help of their robot friends
Robot Roll Call:
Cas-bot! (Assbutt.)
Ruby! (The first one!)
Bob-Servo (You idjits.)
Joooooooooo (But Mom...!)
If someone thinks that this fic makes no sense
and posts some anon wank (oh F.S.!)
I'll just think to myself, "I got my points,
that's all I cared about, thanks!"
Supernatural 3000 Crossed Out Challenge~
*****
So way back when, or not that long ago, there was this guy named John. John was a widower, having only recently lost his wife, Mary, and was left with caring for their boys, Sam and Dean, alone. But raising kids is good golly expensive, and John had to take a second job.
Really, it wasn't a bad job, being a night janitor at some scientific institute. Or it wouldn't have been a bad job, if the scientist he worked for wasn't, you know, mad. Or a demon.
No really, a demon. A mean one, with yellow eyes, and who decided it was in need of an apprentice.
Now whether old Yellow Eyes (whose name was actually Azazel, but John really didn't give a rat about that bit) wanted an apprentice for the mad scientist part or an apprentice for the demon part, John never found out, but that wasn't important, because the apprentice YED wanted was Sam, John's youngest. And the hell John was going to allow that!
So John said many R-rated things to the Yellow-Eyed Demon mad scientist guy, with Dean and Sam cheering him on (because they'd snuck along with him that night, since, you know, that's what boys do). And while he couldn't do anything about the mad scientist part, John had discovered a book called My First Exorcisms at the library, so at least he could do something about the whole demon thing.
Except Yellow Eyes didn't like John's attitude and it really didn't like the whole exorcism to the face thing. So it decided the best solution to the whole problem was to load the whole Winchester family onto YED's newest scientific breakthrough, a satellite that may or may not have been shaped like a giant 1967 Chevy Impala (YED might be a demon and a mad scientist, but that didn't mean it didn't have style)--and then shot the Impala-satellite out into low orbit.
John was, to put it mildly, extremely unhappy about this turn of events. Dean and Sam, on the other hand, thought this was the coolest thing EVER, because they were boys and, dude, space.
But old Yellow Eyes didn't leave it just at that, because hello, mad scientist. So he decided the Winchesters were going to be his next grand experiment, and by experiment it really meant YED sent them all sorts of creepy, nasty, evil, wicked, and kind of cheesy monsters that John and the boys had to fight.
And so Dean and Sam grew up hunting things with John, and saving, well, themselves (though really it could be thought of as saving other people too, because all the monsters YED was sending them were monsters the demon wasn't unleashing upon a hapless populace.) Thus hunting became a sort of family business, if by business one meant they had to do it because of being trapped up in space in an Impala-shaped satellite.
Other than hunting the monster of the week (or at times monster of the day, because in addition to being a mad scientist and a demon, old Yellow Eyes was sort of a prick), Sam and Dean got an education. And not just an education about monsters and nasty supernatural things. No, Sam discovered that the satellite had cool things like computers and eventually there were such things as the internet and wifi and online universities. And Dean discovered that the Impala-satellite was the best thing ever and was a she and she loved him and he called her Baby (he also discovered the concept of a G.E.D., because Sam wouldn't stop nagging at him about the whole online university thing).
And that's how Dean became a mechanical engineering whiz, and Sam ended up with doctorate degrees in astrophysics and robotics. Robotics? Oh yes, you see, over time it got annoying always fighting monsters on their own, so Sam created some robot friends to help the Winchesters. Though unfortunately he wasn't so good at the Artificial Intelligence parts, so Bob-Servo ended up snarky and crotchety (though a brilliant encyclopedia of all knowledge supernatural), Cas-bot's unblinking stare as it filmed everything all the time mostly felt sort of creepy, and Dean swore up and down that Ruby had gone rogue and had started to help the Yellow Eyed Demon. And Jo, well Jo kept trying to self destruct when fighting the monsters. Which was sort of bad considering the whole satellite up in the endless, black, airless void of space thing.
Then one day John Winchester disappeared. Well, okay, he didn't actually disappear. See, he got this idea that he could use the escape pod to launch himself back down to Earth. Then he could confront YED again, this time with a much better and much faster exorcism, and then assume control of the Impala-satellite and bring Dean and Sam back home. Which was a great idea, really, except the bit where he didn't notice the trajectory programmed into the escape pod went away from Earth instead of towards it, and yeah.
So John might or might not have launched himself out towards Pluto (which may or may not be a planet, depending on your point of view), destined for solar systems unknown. And by unknown, this means a new galaxy containing The Planet of Beautiful Women, which might be a great thing or might not be a great thing if they all hate male creatures of any kind (though the truth of which is they're mostly neutral on guys, some like them and some don't, since of course no race is a hive mind with just one point of view. And in the end it's a great thing because John discovers there's a woman there who's the spitting image of one Mary Winchester and who just happens to be his age and who is one of the Planet of Beautiful Women who thinks male creatures are pretty okay. So, you know, bow chikka wow wow, wink wink nudge nudge, and all that.)
And back at the Impala-satellite, Dean and Sam kept fighting the monsters and nasty supernatural things that the Yellow-Eyed Demon sent them, because that's what they do. And because there was only one escape pod, whoops, too bad about that. Which brings us then to the present day. Or the future-present. To next Thursday-I-mean-Friday. That's the ticket.
So it was a pretty typical day. Dean was fixing a clunk he'd heard in the Impala-satellite's engines that morning (okay, so maybe it was a clunk no one else could hear, but dangit he wanted to make sure his Baby's engines purred so well there weren't enough r's in the English language to describe said purrrrrrrrr) and Sam was inventing a device to turn the ectoplasm from the last ghost they'd fought into a tasty marshmallow fluff. Cas-bot was...watching them, watching with an unblinking stare as it filmed (because it could and did film everything, everywhere in the ship, all the time, so don't think too hard on that. Yeah, creepy.) A bored Bob-Servo and Jo were trying to act out the baseball batting a printer scene of Office Space on one of Sam's failed inventions (a gadget that didn't teleport up fresh-baked cherry pie from a diner in rural Wisconsin, but instead teleported in a drooling tentacled beast from Alpha Centauri), and Ruby who wasn't in cahoots with the Yellow Eyed Demon no really yelled to the boys that YED was hollering at them from the viewscreen.
"So, boys," YED said when the group assembled (though everyone very pointedly made sure not to ask Bob-Servo and Jo anything about the baseball bats). "I have a very special monster for you two today. A very, very special monster. A monster that finally will best you two. But don't worry--when it does, I'll make sure to spare your miserable little lives when Sam agrees to be my apprentice." The sound of crickets greeted his announcement (or rather, an mp3 of crickets chirping, due to the lack of crickets in space), as the group occupied itself doing things not involving paying attention to old Yellow Eyes--Sam and Dean sharing a beer that they hadn't had a moment ago, Bob-Servo and Jo playing checkers, Cas-bot filming everything as well as setting up a live feed of a liquor store in Des Moines, and Ruby sticking a pin in a voodoo doll of Dean.
"That's it," Yellow Eyes growled to itself. It uncovered a nearby special button on his keyboard console--a large, shiny, red, candylike button. "I'll teach you to not pay attention to me." And with an appropriately mad scientist sort of cackle, it smacked its hand down on the button. "APOCALYPSE!"
Bells and whistles and klaxons resounded on the Impala-satellite in a cacophony of jangling-wailing-howling noise. Lights flashed and sparked, sirens wailed, and the boys and their robots flailed about as the Impala shook. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod apocalyyyyyyyyyypse!"
And then it stopped.
"Right. I hate to pull out a one-time use Apocalypse Generator so soon, but sometimes morons require drastic measures. So do I have your attention now?" YED had its arms crossed, tapping its foot on the floor.
"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever," Dean ran a hand over his hair, adjusted his leather jacket and made sure his collar was popped just so as behind him Sam picked himself up off the floor, set Jo back on the lab bench, and retrieved Bob-Servo's hat (and head) from under a nearby desk. "Don't get your panties in a bunch, your demonic prickness."
"If there's anyone here that knows about panties, Deano, it'd be you, isn't that right?" YED arched an evil eyebrow.
Dean's voice sank down into the Batman registers. "Shut up I have no idea what you're talking about shut up."
"Pink and satiny~!" YED sing-songed. Behind Dean, Sam and the bots were all putting their fingers in their ears, or to the closest things they had resembling ears, and were going "La la la la la la" (except for Cas-bot, who was accessing certain image data files that we won't discuss right now and Ruby, who, despite being a robot still liked decent clothing, but who suddenly had a really horrible feeling about the underwear she'd been given way back when she'd been assembled and fled the room for a sonic shower).
Eventually the demon decided it had done enough mad scientist-laughing at Dean's expense and said, "Alrighty then, as I said, your monster today, is..." Suddenly it frowned, poking various keys on the console in front of its viewscreen and looking perplexed. "Meg!" it called for its assistant. "Meg, get in here!"
The YED's demonic mad scientist assistant, Meg, slinked into the room, the effect of which was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was currently possessing the meatsuit of a tubby, middle-aged male who from his outfit had previously been a construction worker (or a cast-off of The Village People). "You rang, your evil overlordship?"
"The monster, Meg! Where's my monster?" Yellow Eyes poked more at the keyboard, eventually mashing the keys in frustration. "There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom I mean a monster!"
"Oh well, yeah, about that," Meg suddenly looked even more shifty-eyed than usual. "There was this message, you know, from your bosses, I mean, from THE big boss-man himself, right, from Lucifer, right? And it may have been in regards to our uh, accounting and budget and I may have forgotten to tell you about it. Oops, my bad."
The Yellow-Eyed Demon stared at Meg. Meg stared back at the Yellow Eyed Demon. A long, long moment passed. Up on the Impala-satellite, Dean, Sam, and the bots were all eating popcorn and watching the viewscreen. "And what was this message about our budget, Meg?" YED finally asked.
"We're broke."
"Broke." YED arched an evil eyebrow, and it began to twitch.
"Yep, broke. No more money. Poof, gone. Luci's a bit...displeased. Mentioned something about an audit. And maybe something about write-ups for personnel files or firings or something, I dunno, I forget exactly what." Meg made the construction worker's body give an exaggerated shrug and put one hand on a jut-out hip.
On the Impala-satellite, Dean, Sam and the bots were throwing bits of popcorn at each other. "Awww, no more money?" Dean made a big-eyed frowny face Yellow Eyes. "That's too bad, isn't that right guys?"
"Yep, terrible thing." Sam nodded solemnly. "And it's really terrible how incredibly unsecure the budget database was."
"Oho, you don't say? Bob-Servo? Jo?" Dean said to the bots with them. "Say it with me, guys!" And he, Bob-Servo, and Jo all chorused together, "How unsecure was it?"
Sam yanked down a clipboard that hung from the ceiling by a bungee-type cord, check-marking certain points as he spoke. "Well you see, it was so unsecure that with only a little hacking and password cracking, it was able to be compromised and the funds therein used to purchase certain things like say, an immortal's lifetime subscription to xxxbustyasianbeautiesxxx.com and an airlock full of cases of Twinkies and M&Ms."
Now Dean was no vampire, but even Cas-bot would later agree that at that moment, Dean was sparkling. "A lifetime subscription...?"
Sam nodded, ducking his head and giving one of those small, shy smiles he was so good at.
"And an entire airlock full...?" Dean's voice was full of awe. As Sam nodded again, Dean started to grin the biggest grin ever. "Dude. Dude!" And all the bots had to take a moment to look at other things, you know, important air molecules and stuff, even Cas-Bot, because there may or may not have been brother hugs, and you know, sometimes moments like that are private. And by private, this means written about by the bots in their various fanfics later that evening.
Eventually Dean turned back to the viewscreen, where YED was very carefully bonking its head on the keyboard console again and again and again and muttering about being doomed. "Hey, don't look so Frowny McFrownypants over there, your royal brokeness! Just because you can't send monsters up here doesn't mean it's the end of the world."
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Especially since you wasted your Apocalypse Generator there already. Unfortunate thing, that." YED made a sound that was entirely not like a whimper, and bonked its head against the computer console harder.
"Hey, you know what you could do instead of sending monsters?" Dean snapped his fingers and put on his best inspiration face. "What'd be awesome and cheap, too? Instead of sending monsters up here, you could Netflix us up really cheesy movies!"
"How about good movies, Dean?" Sam rolled his eyes.
"Pff, whatever, Sam. Think about it, bad, cheesy monster movies, Dr. Y! Giant monsters attacking Tokyo, alien babes in metallic bikinis coming to conquer the Earth, it'd be great! I mean terrible. Awful. We'd have to suffer through them, or at least Sam would suffer." Dean grinned at YED from across the viewscreen, giving two thumbs up. "You'd wear him down to agreeing to be your apprentice in no time! Or well, maybe in a few decades." The Yellow Eyed Demon and Sam groaned in stereo. "Aww, c'mon, what? You guys are no fun."
A telephone in the YED's mad scientist lab started to ring, and Meg gave a theatrical wince. "Ooh, I bet that's the Big Boss calling back. Want me to take a message, Sir?" She, or at least the construction worker meatsuit, gave a saucy wink up at the boys in the viewscreen, silently mouthing, "We'll talk." She liked this bad movie idea, a lot. Heck, something like that might even be worth televising as some sort of reality show, if she could hock it to the right network executives. Which she would, considering she had a feeling a promotion might soon be at hand.
The Yellow-Eyed Demon just sighed, the sound muffled against the keyboard console, as the telephone kept ringing. "Just...just push the button, Meg." Which she did, and the viewscreen connection went dark.
End transmission. Queue credits and music.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE FIC.
Yeah. What is this I don't even \o/ I blame it on Team Hell's mod saying that bad fic was better than no fic at all. And I swear I caught a typo of a couple dropped words after I submitted it for the challenge, but hell if I can find where it was now. Ohwell \:p/ (Oh, and that was one of the two entries voted Most Creative. It was that, I guess. XD; )
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Date: 2010-06-17 03:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-30 09:04 pm (UTC)