(no subject)
Jan. 5th, 2007 10:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitereflectionI just want to flop down and curl into a ball of mope. Stupid WoW last night. Just tired of no one being around. Like lately it's just been Aaron and I, and he's been taking a break the past few days. So it's been me. I might as well be playing a console game. Guess one person's been on live doing PVP, another's I think still off visiting person three, one guy who knows what he's been doing. Just bah. Grumping since I'm feeling kinda neglected-abandoned by that group, even if I know that's not really the deal. Doesn't help that seems like I share a lot and give a lot to folks, but when they say they're going to do something for me, they forget and blow it off. I know it's beta, but yeah, doesn't help the don't-feel-I'm-given-a-crap-about feeling.
But does highlight why I haven't played KH2 in like what, 3 months, or FFXII in like a month and a half. I want to play those games, especially XII, I'm rabid in my adoration for that. But I've gotten spoiled by the concept in MMORPGs of people being around. Of having guildchat going, or even just general chat, as insipid as it might be. I like having other people *around*, even if I'm soloing. Playing a console game, it's just so...solitary and alone. And my TV's set up too far from my computer, so I can't attempt IM at the same time to fill that gap--not that I IM almost ever. I'm wretched at small-talk and conversation (which makes no sense considering how I babble here. But seriously--in any sort of IM or real conversation, I sputter out in my ability to interact very quickly, and if the other person stops motivating the discussion or coming up with ideas, it just dies. I'm *terrible* at that sort of thing.
But I dunno. I might try some XII for awhile, even if it does drive me nuts to feel isolated and solitary. Might start over and try some extra levelling. Just for the hell of it. Beta's winding down, I'm kinda running out of things I wanna try without having a group to do stuff with, and running out of things I wanna attempt before it's all finally permanent.
On the help desk at the moment. One of the only places I feel I can indulge in much web stuff anymore. I'm avoiding doing so on breaks or before work anymore, just tired of the feeling that people are assuming the worst that I'm somehow skipping out on work even when I'm not. Been occasionally looking a little at lunch, but mostly just a quick LJ/mail check. Taking short lunches at most (yesterday I just ate while continuing to work) to try to keep up with the workload, so there's not a lot of extra time anyway. Kel keeps getting on me not to skip break/lunchtimes, but I keep doing it anyway. Sort of a giving the finger to those who put off that vibe that I'm a slacker when they stare as they walk by, even if--amazingly enough--they don't seem to be noticing at all now. Funny how that works...take the breaks you're due, and have it assumed you're taking more than your fair share; short yourself breaktime, and no one notices at all, save the coworkers who happen to be personal friends.
I imagine today's snark all boils down to 'wah I'm lonely or more accurately wah I'm craving people to pay attention to me because I'm a self-centered attention whore who wants ego-feeding'. :/ Go me. :|
But does highlight why I haven't played KH2 in like what, 3 months, or FFXII in like a month and a half. I want to play those games, especially XII, I'm rabid in my adoration for that. But I've gotten spoiled by the concept in MMORPGs of people being around. Of having guildchat going, or even just general chat, as insipid as it might be. I like having other people *around*, even if I'm soloing. Playing a console game, it's just so...solitary and alone. And my TV's set up too far from my computer, so I can't attempt IM at the same time to fill that gap--not that I IM almost ever. I'm wretched at small-talk and conversation (which makes no sense considering how I babble here. But seriously--in any sort of IM or real conversation, I sputter out in my ability to interact very quickly, and if the other person stops motivating the discussion or coming up with ideas, it just dies. I'm *terrible* at that sort of thing.
But I dunno. I might try some XII for awhile, even if it does drive me nuts to feel isolated and solitary. Might start over and try some extra levelling. Just for the hell of it. Beta's winding down, I'm kinda running out of things I wanna try without having a group to do stuff with, and running out of things I wanna attempt before it's all finally permanent.
On the help desk at the moment. One of the only places I feel I can indulge in much web stuff anymore. I'm avoiding doing so on breaks or before work anymore, just tired of the feeling that people are assuming the worst that I'm somehow skipping out on work even when I'm not. Been occasionally looking a little at lunch, but mostly just a quick LJ/mail check. Taking short lunches at most (yesterday I just ate while continuing to work) to try to keep up with the workload, so there's not a lot of extra time anyway. Kel keeps getting on me not to skip break/lunchtimes, but I keep doing it anyway. Sort of a giving the finger to those who put off that vibe that I'm a slacker when they stare as they walk by, even if--amazingly enough--they don't seem to be noticing at all now. Funny how that works...take the breaks you're due, and have it assumed you're taking more than your fair share; short yourself breaktime, and no one notices at all, save the coworkers who happen to be personal friends.
I imagine today's snark all boils down to 'wah I'm lonely or more accurately wah I'm craving people to pay attention to me because I'm a self-centered attention whore who wants ego-feeding'. :/ Go me. :|
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-05 05:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-07 03:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-06 10:15 am (UTC)I JUST WANTED TO INFORM YOU OF THIS VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: I LOVE YOU. ♥
YAAAAAAAAY.
(also I'm sorry you're having a lousy time with web friends and you should totally IM me sometime because I'm fabulous and charming and I actually DO try to talk to people there as opposed to LJ where I neglect just about everyone due to being a lazy whore. <3)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-07 04:00 am (UTC)I added ya to my AIM list, though I am utterly wretched at using it :x I mainly stay in away mode except when my ISP craps out and causes it to d/c while I'm asleep or at work--and just sneak by to ninja-hi-hug peoples before sneaking off into WoWarcraft or some such XD; But I'll especially make sure to say hi at least once so you'll have my ID. Though really I need to quit being a dork and just leave it on my LJ info. : / (Ohwait, there is one time of day I tend to use it--like mornings just after I've gotten up, while I feed the cats XD Kat gnaws me and I make groggy zombie noises and whine about having to go to work *heh* )