Beware...

[whitereflection]

I have to wonder...I've linked to some friends, and I ponder what they'd think of some of the things I've said in the past. That's why I haven't linked to a lot of people up until now--I've spoken rather frankly, for as vague as I've been, and I still worry that it might be a big case of Way Too Fscking Much Information.

I guess I always worry that people will think less of me when they find out what I really think/feel. It's happened before, where I show the real me, and it scares people off. There are just some people I *don't* want to lose--they're too important to me (and I haven't done enough to show that to them in the first place...I'm a lousy friend *sigh*).

Strage...I'm very big on "Accept me as I am", but then I worry that I won't be. Accepted that is. Maybe it's a self-esteem thing that I have trouble believing that people care about me, no matter what. ...maybe it's some that the SO in my life has had trouble at times dealing with the person I've become--and if *they* have that trouble, wouldn't friends find it that much more difficult? Eh...dunno. Too philosophical for a Saturday evening, perhaps.

Comments

[clampgakuen.livejournal.com]

Such worries are unfounded. Who doesn't have a whole graveyard in their closet? And, well, I understand the ease with which one can express things in written form as opposed to talking about them. Goodness knows that my thoughts will be far more public in here than they might be in a face-to-face conversation. We don't care what people think, but we do. I think one of my greatest fear is that someone whom I respect and whom I think respects me would feel sorry for me. I think it's a fear of being fallible after being depended on for so long to be perfect.

Hell, I'm psychoanalyzing myself in your comments. Not good. *gets up off couch and pounces you* Know that you are loved, cherished, adored, and treasured, and not even deep dark inner thoughts could drive me away. Many of the same concerns and issues you have, I have. You are not alone.

And, well, I'm discovering I'm a hell of a lot better at lj than at email. Not quite as good as at IMing, but... ^_^

--nokoru

Re:

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

*hugs extra tight* All I can say is thank you...better words kinda fail me at the moment. But thank you.

I am very lucky to have you as a friend--just want you to know how much I apprieciate ya. I'm not around *showing* you so near often enough, so I wanted to say that.

--Di :)