![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitereflectionGoing into shut down-panic attack-overwhelmed-anxiety mode on Christmas stuff. Am trying to break it down into small, small bits--finish shopping, do online stuff, buy mailing supplies, box up, mail, wrap things for local folks, etc...but I keep just getting lost in it all, and then just avoiding it entirely...which is *NOT* helping the situation. Man...I have done this entire whole holiday season so *Wrong* this year.
Tend to drag everything I've ever stressed about into the maelstrom of freaking out when I get like this...so am trying desperately not to think about the dear-god-appalling disgusting-unclean house, or the two-years-running unpacked boxes, or the RP stuff I'm so dear-lord locked up on. ...but I'm not exactly being successful. Man...
Everything just feels so off, though...won't be doing Christmas with Mom, but won't be doing a big family gathering at my grandmother's either obviously. This will be the first year there isn't that. I know that's also really being felt by Dad, my aunts and cousins...that whole side of the family is just facing so many traditions that aren't anymore. At least, I know I'll be able to do some holiday things with friends, some with my Dad, stepmother, and brother, so I am lucky for that. It just all..everything feels...out of wack. It's like..this year, almost no one's really feeling it. We're all eaten away by the things that drag us down and sap our joy...and not even talking spiritual/religious stuff since that's not what I'm about, but it's like there's something really missing for everyone this time around. And I'm not sure *why*.
Anyway. I should go try to work on *something*, to at least get my stomach to quit stress-hurting.
(Ohyeah, and no grades yet. Argh.)
Tend to drag everything I've ever stressed about into the maelstrom of freaking out when I get like this...so am trying desperately not to think about the dear-god-appalling disgusting-unclean house, or the two-years-running unpacked boxes, or the RP stuff I'm so dear-lord locked up on. ...but I'm not exactly being successful. Man...
Everything just feels so off, though...won't be doing Christmas with Mom, but won't be doing a big family gathering at my grandmother's either obviously. This will be the first year there isn't that. I know that's also really being felt by Dad, my aunts and cousins...that whole side of the family is just facing so many traditions that aren't anymore. At least, I know I'll be able to do some holiday things with friends, some with my Dad, stepmother, and brother, so I am lucky for that. It just all..everything feels...out of wack. It's like..this year, almost no one's really feeling it. We're all eaten away by the things that drag us down and sap our joy...and not even talking spiritual/religious stuff since that's not what I'm about, but it's like there's something really missing for everyone this time around. And I'm not sure *why*.
Anyway. I should go try to work on *something*, to at least get my stomach to quit stress-hurting.
(Ohyeah, and no grades yet. Argh.)
