Falling or fallen

Mmmm, need more sleep. *zombiesmumbles* Tried to get some extra last night, but sometimes is just hard to get the brain to shut down (even for me, and I can sleep through/after *anything*...). Just kinda hard when one's mind is stuck in 'eee<3flaily' mode. *much yawnings*

Yay for getting dr visit done. Yay, I say. Had to get a tetanus shot, though :x So it'd 18 years, that's not that bad, right? Ne? Eh.

I keep craving ice cream D: Bad me. Need to stop indulging, really really I do. It is such my emotional bandaid, though...

One would think I am a honeybee, as much as I live and breathe sap. It runneth in my veins...!

Mmm, sleep now? Please? ...no? Uwah. ;-; Sleep is a long, long time away...

...

Pardon me, but...god damn son of a fucking *bitch*. I am the god-stupidest *moron* that ever walked on two legs.

Got a speeding ticket on the way in. 52 in a 40 zone. But the stupid part? I did this RIGHT in FRONT of a motorcycle cop. Passed right fucking by him. Because I wasn't fucking paying attention like the god damned stupid idiot I am. Yeah, I shouldn't do things that are wrong, like speeding--but to do so *RIGHT* in front of someone, because I ain't paying shit for attention... God I am a fucking *loser*.

Seems I can do an 8-hr $75 traffic class, and not have to do the court appearance, pay the fine ($116.50), or have points put on my driving record (thus avoiding the insurance rate hike). So yeah, naturally that's what I'm going to do.

But it's the principle of the thing. Because I was a stupid loser moron. This was my first ticket ever. First. And they couldn't even give me a warning--no it was a citation straight off the bat. My Dad has gotten a bunch of warnings instead of tickets. But I suppose that's because he's got Purple Heart license plates, and law enforcement types love a vet, especially one that was wounded in action.

But...god*damn* it.

What's worst, is I'm going to have to tell James, and he's going to give me the god-fucking-biggest self righteous, smug "I told you so" anyone has ever heard. Fuck.

Am so furious and upset with myself right now. How...fucking...stupid.




And the reason I was rushing this time was that I spent extra time at home looking for my damned harmony ball pendant, the one that I got at the KC Renaissance Fair back in 1991. The one that I have worn almost every day since then. Because my goddamned cats (probably Bebop) have seen fit to steal it off the dresser and put it I don't know the fuck where. Stupid. God, so much of this day is stupid. Which sucks all the more because it's blasting away all the good I was feeling last night and this morning.

I don't want to be at work. I want to be home. No, not even that. I just want to be *away*.

shinkokyuu and such

Hmmnh...sometimes I feel like I could sleep for days. Days and days.

Realizing I may have to take vac. time off work to do that traffic class. But I was hoping to be able to take my birthday off. Kinda hope I have enough time to cover both.