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thought-leaves tumbling in the wind
Sep. 14th, 2003 09:34 amYesterday went as expected--was difficult, but very good to see so many of our family gathered together. I care for my Dad's side of the family very, very much. I feel bad for it, but I feel like I love that side of my family more than my Mom's side--but I do just feel that more connected to them, so much more close and a part of them. The changes, though, just feel so odd, very disconcerting. All that happens inevitably with the passage of time throws me. *shrugs*
Things are being divided up, which feels strange but must be done. I didn't really want much, truly--but I did get some very old family pictures, the sort with my grandparents and their generation when young, and some of great-grandparents and even a few with great-great grandparents. That's my sort of thing; I need that connection to my family's past. Dave got a couple boxes of Grandpa's old mathmatics/engineering books; and Dad I guess is getting most anything that had to do with Grandpa's military/army/airforce career. They also found a poem Dad had written Grandpa back in 1970, on yellowed, crisping paper--that was kind of trippy. Lots of other stuff to give out, but much is going to my aunt Sue and the local cousins, who all do need it. Then we have to clean up and prep that house for sale--James, Dave, and I might be called to help out some in the coming up weekends. Am sending Mom a program from the funeral, and one of the wooden crosses Grandma still had hanging up.
Had a strange craving for Outback food last night. Shouldn't have, since it's expensive and heavy food--and not like we hadn't been given a late luncheon. But food has become (ha, it always has been) my panacea, so... Not that it actually helps anything, or makes anything really feel better, but...*shrugs* Some say it's good to treat yourself once in a while. So, yeah.
I feel like it should be dim-grey and cloudy outside, cool and with that lonely leaf-rustling fall wind (hm, maybe it is cool and a bit windy, but it's sunny, bright, very nice, eh). I feel like it should be a day of being alone, of being anti-social and withdrawn, where I listen to melancholy music, make chili, and don't do a hell of a lot. Except maybe rot my brain watching old MST3K stuff. But I have to go to Michael's church service, then I have to study, then have some other obligations I'd promised folks I'd be around for. I really don't feel up to very much, but I can't really avoid it, can I? Not without putting people out, and that wouldn't be right of me at all.
Autumn In Summer
Sunlight, golden bright;
Season just begins to change.
Inside, I am fall.
Ha, don't have to do church after all--James' Amptguard time got changed. Am going to go hide and be nothing, for at least a bit, before having to study. Right.
Things are being divided up, which feels strange but must be done. I didn't really want much, truly--but I did get some very old family pictures, the sort with my grandparents and their generation when young, and some of great-grandparents and even a few with great-great grandparents. That's my sort of thing; I need that connection to my family's past. Dave got a couple boxes of Grandpa's old mathmatics/engineering books; and Dad I guess is getting most anything that had to do with Grandpa's military/army/airforce career. They also found a poem Dad had written Grandpa back in 1970, on yellowed, crisping paper--that was kind of trippy. Lots of other stuff to give out, but much is going to my aunt Sue and the local cousins, who all do need it. Then we have to clean up and prep that house for sale--James, Dave, and I might be called to help out some in the coming up weekends. Am sending Mom a program from the funeral, and one of the wooden crosses Grandma still had hanging up.
Had a strange craving for Outback food last night. Shouldn't have, since it's expensive and heavy food--and not like we hadn't been given a late luncheon. But food has become (ha, it always has been) my panacea, so... Not that it actually helps anything, or makes anything really feel better, but...*shrugs* Some say it's good to treat yourself once in a while. So, yeah.
I feel like it should be dim-grey and cloudy outside, cool and with that lonely leaf-rustling fall wind (hm, maybe it is cool and a bit windy, but it's sunny, bright, very nice, eh). I feel like it should be a day of being alone, of being anti-social and withdrawn, where I listen to melancholy music, make chili, and don't do a hell of a lot. Except maybe rot my brain watching old MST3K stuff. But I have to go to Michael's church service, then I have to study, then have some other obligations I'd promised folks I'd be around for. I really don't feel up to very much, but I can't really avoid it, can I? Not without putting people out, and that wouldn't be right of me at all.
Autumn In Summer
Sunlight, golden bright;
Season just begins to change.
Inside, I am fall.
Ha, don't have to do church after all--James' Amptguard time got changed. Am going to go hide and be nothing, for at least a bit, before having to study. Right.
