It's like some sort of "me too"

I just read about Brandon's news this am (*hugs tight* Am sorry, will be thinking about you and your family, ok?). And then I find out that Dad called last night after I was asleep--my grandmother, Dad's mother, died last evening, of an aneurysm. James told me this am as we were finally pulling out of the garage.

We all knew it was inevitable--her physical and mental health were just so deteriorated. But it was still very sudden, out of the blue. But the doctors out there in Seward have their thumbs up their goddamned asses, because despite all the crap that was going on, they never could find anything *wrong*. Fscking morons.

No idea on funeral arrangements yet. Gotta wait until this evening to get word on that from Dad, after stuff's worked out today. Only have to drive an hour and a half to get to Seward, though, so it's not far to go. Just gotta figure out if I and James have to take time out of work/class or not, and if my brother Dave will as well.

Am very tired today, despite sleeping so much last night. Don't feel like being at work. (Didn't help I got here so late--was already running behind, then James gives me the news, then I discover that yet again the gas gauge is on 'E' and he hasn't bothered to do anything about it or warn me...) If it weren't for class, I don't think I'd be here. I might leave after class is done...but then again, what would I go do? I guess more sleep wouldn't hurt. Not sure if Kelly and Anj and I will do our study night tonight or not.

stuff

Seems the funeral's on Saturday. So I guess it was ok that I took this afternoon off, since I won't have to take any leave later this week after all.

Indulged in crap food and sleep this afternoon, but that just kinda made me feel cruddy. Ahwell. Least I made sure I've got my Japanese homework set for the next couple days. Will have to study tomorrow night for real, when I'm in a better mind for it.

Am a lot more down/depressed than I anticipated--wasn't so bad when my grandfather died several years back. Don't think I'd feel like this if it were Mom's mother--ain't that horrid of me. Wasn't even *that* close to Grandma. Hell knows I never wrote or called near enough. But we always spent so much time around Dad's side of the family...all those holidays throughout my childhood until I was in college--even some up until these past couple years. So it's like a chapter ending...there's no going back to get together like that, the way that used to be, ever again.

Poems I jotted down today (The first is me wondering about how it must have felt for my aunt Sue, driving):


*****

shi

Driving her home,
I hear her breath whisper
as she leaves.

***

hospital (except she was old)

She died
on the road home
from where they said
there was
still
nothing wrong.

*****