Aug. 1st, 2001
(no subject)
Aug. 1st, 2001 09:58 amIt's going to be one of those days...joy. I can't focus, can't concentrate--every little thing is distracting me, and I'm spacing out without realizing I'm doing it. There are a billion thoughts in my head going a billion directions--I'm overwhelmed by all the things that I'm worrying and stewing about. Gah. Is there a mood thingy for monster-assed anxiety/jittery/agitated?
Wish I could just go...somewhere. Just go. If I had access to a car right now...*sigh* I don't know where I'd end up, just wanna drive until I can't drive anymore. I wanna get away from everyone, everything... No clue why I get like this--except sometimes everything just feels like *too much*, and I feel trapped and panicked because I can't be what other people want and expect me to be, just can't do what they're demanding of me. Maybe I'm just feeling out of control, like it's not really me that's determining the path of my life--and I just want to be what I *really* am, and have others accept that, and understand.
Gah, add depressed into that mood mix. :p Sometimes I feel I need to reset my life, start over...I need a cosmic CTRL-ALT-DEL... Ok, now I'm just getting weird...me and my blood sugar crashes... -_- Prolly oughta stop bitching and just get a snack. *rolls eyes*
Wish I could just go...somewhere. Just go. If I had access to a car right now...*sigh* I don't know where I'd end up, just wanna drive until I can't drive anymore. I wanna get away from everyone, everything... No clue why I get like this--except sometimes everything just feels like *too much*, and I feel trapped and panicked because I can't be what other people want and expect me to be, just can't do what they're demanding of me. Maybe I'm just feeling out of control, like it's not really me that's determining the path of my life--and I just want to be what I *really* am, and have others accept that, and understand.
Gah, add depressed into that mood mix. :p Sometimes I feel I need to reset my life, start over...I need a cosmic CTRL-ALT-DEL... Ok, now I'm just getting weird...me and my blood sugar crashes... -_- Prolly oughta stop bitching and just get a snack. *rolls eyes*
(no subject)
Aug. 1st, 2001 03:04 pmLast random thought of the day:
You know, I was just realizing how odd this whole online journal thing is. I can't talk feelingsstuff to people in RL, no matter how close they are, and I can *barely* do so in email/ICQ with those I'm closest to. Yet I can unload in a journal, that has the potentiality of being seen by...by who knows who. Yikes. O.o
I can only figure I'm some sorta weirdo-type...wonder if this is some sort of exhibitionism or something. *winces* Gawd, I can be a freak in some ways.
You know, I was just realizing how odd this whole online journal thing is. I can't talk feelingsstuff to people in RL, no matter how close they are, and I can *barely* do so in email/ICQ with those I'm closest to. Yet I can unload in a journal, that has the potentiality of being seen by...by who knows who. Yikes. O.o
I can only figure I'm some sorta weirdo-type...wonder if this is some sort of exhibitionism or something. *winces* Gawd, I can be a freak in some ways.