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Nov. 17th, 2006 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whitereflectionAt the moment of just about going to bed, and it kind of hits me that I'm wanting to write, been kinda feeling the urge at times late, but I want to write something like right now. Bit of TS Eliot kind of flits in my head and I'm about to go find Hollow Men to read or quote here, but it hits me that I really want to write a poem, but while the emotion's all there I can't find words. And I know it'd be just all high school and banal anyway. But I'm feeling that sort of poetry weird vaguely ache thing, wish I could do something with it. Probably doesn't help I'm tired and on the edge of sleep.
But the weird thing? Is just as that hits me, the time thing kicks in again--like it's a series of three, that've been occurring to me over the last week. The third, tonight: I've been doing this lj thing for five years. The first, days ago: I fan over a ton of crap, and it comes and goes. But I've been fanning on Final Fantasy VII stuff for *ten freaking years*. It comes and goes, but it's always *there*, waiting to have me all stupid on it all over again (like recently). And then the second, yesterday: thinking about when I first heard Mannheim Steamroller, one of the holiday music things I mentioned...was in art class, in eighth grade when I was thirteen. Twenty damned years ago. Twenty (ironic, in that I feel like my mental age is stuck at twenty, or maybe twenty-five). So yeah, the whole time passing/mortality anxiety thing stirs up all over again. Just the five year LJ was kinda like the third strike to make me really *focus* on it.
Anyway. Bed, this stuff isn't going to make sense to anyone, even me, but just seemed like it should be written out.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
(The bit of Eliot's Hollow Men that popped into my head that started this all, couldn't help my self from quoting at least that bit after all.)
But the weird thing? Is just as that hits me, the time thing kicks in again--like it's a series of three, that've been occurring to me over the last week. The third, tonight: I've been doing this lj thing for five years. The first, days ago: I fan over a ton of crap, and it comes and goes. But I've been fanning on Final Fantasy VII stuff for *ten freaking years*. It comes and goes, but it's always *there*, waiting to have me all stupid on it all over again (like recently). And then the second, yesterday: thinking about when I first heard Mannheim Steamroller, one of the holiday music things I mentioned...was in art class, in eighth grade when I was thirteen. Twenty damned years ago. Twenty (ironic, in that I feel like my mental age is stuck at twenty, or maybe twenty-five). So yeah, the whole time passing/mortality anxiety thing stirs up all over again. Just the five year LJ was kinda like the third strike to make me really *focus* on it.
Anyway. Bed, this stuff isn't going to make sense to anyone, even me, but just seemed like it should be written out.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
(The bit of Eliot's Hollow Men that popped into my head that started this all, couldn't help my self from quoting at least that bit after all.)
