As I come clean

She's still there, so far (and a part of my brain pipes in "I'm still not king" even though I wince at being irreverent at the moment). Going back up again tomorrow after taking Bebop-cat to the vet in the morning, unless we're called otherwise. Am really, really tired, even though I don't do anything up there but sit, even dozed a bunch today. All of us that have been up there are just strung out and worn out. Am calmer, more okay, the last couple days I think, I think we all are--just feeling more swinging low at the moment. I think that may be the tiredness' fault a bit. Been reading some of my poetry books this week while sitting, which got me looking up some Dylan Thomas, and I have to say, this isn't a rage, rage against the dying of the light sort of thing. It's a slow fading, going gentle sort of thing. Which works, if that's the way, that's the way. Though I gotta kinda laugh--Dad and my stepmother were saying that when she'd been taken down for this last surgery, my aunt had bellowed-sung "This Little Light of Mine", just like she always did. That was how she was, just so freaking larger than life.

Okay, stopping babbling about it for now. Sorry to go on so much. Too much thinking and dwelling on it, and I'm slow to let go.

Have so many comments to respond individually to, and I promise I'll get to that soon. Just wanted to say thank you for all the thoughts and hugs. Thank you so much. It helps.


For being out awhile, I only discovered this song very recently. It comes at a good time. Fitting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhORXmgYbS4