Honestly, I just don't know.

--So I keep this job, desperately keep this job, because of the insurance, and I finally get to see it in action. I knew all along it sucked, but nothing like $400 for prescriptions I previously paid like ~$60 for to put it in perspective. I know that will reduce a lot once I hit my deductible ($2000), but obviously that's still $1600 away. Then in January it all starts again. Seems like things keep rubbing salt in the wound of my fuckups. Oh, and yeah, did get the job listings in last Sunday's paper--I have never seen that section be so few pages; there was just nothing in there at all that I can go for. Honestly, this Friday is going to feel so awesome, so fucking awesome. It makes me wish I liked alcohol. It would definitely be an occasion to be drunk to the point of being utterly sick.

--Found out last night that a friend that we've fallen out of contact with, but who we saw a great deal a few years ago (and whom some other friends of mine still hang out with) tried to kill themselves recently. Am feeling a mix of freaked out and heartsick at the news, and worrying.

--And naturally now that I'm wallowing in a fandom, I just get this feeling the character I love most is going to end up screwed over or left out next season. I dunno, maybe not, but I just get this bad feeling like it'll be some Sasuke thing where the writer decides to make them or their situation worse instead of better. I dunno, maybe I should just watch the first couple seasons and leave off, just to not see what I'm really liking gotten rid of, or twisted or made to act stupid (or more stupid). Honestly, does redemption even exist anymore? Seems like in fandom as much as in real life, once you make mistakes, you're fucked over by them for good.