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The reasons for hiding
Mar. 5th, 2007 02:59 pmSo yeah. Been kind of off and crapola at times the past few days. This and that sort of things happening, coupled with a kind of severe pms/that time hormonal bout that meant I'm not responding well to anything that hits. Yay me, right?
Getting stuck #2 was Friday coming home from work, and was triggered by someone else's asshattery plus the city taking until midmorning Saturday to plow our street. I was lucky for the 2-3 people that pushed the Saturn up the minor hill. Next time, a Suberu Outback, I swear it. Had some major emotional snap because of this, which resulted in 3 separate not-hidden-in-the-bathroom crying jags, one of which was during my call to Mom (humiliating, and then she got Dad to call to make sure I was ok : / ) and bruised knuckles thanks to my experimentation with a cement wall.
Lunch out Saturday, but basically stayed in the rest of the weekend. Had a sore throat starting Thurs and for some reason lost my voice entirely Sat-Sun. Still croaky. Played WoW, skipped Leslie's DnD game. Got my warlock his PVP stuff for the bracket, *finally* got to 40, got the horse-on-fire mount. Yay.
Today...I knew it was coming. I *knew* it. I was ready at 7:20, James once again had us out the door late, 7:30. I get to work 10min late. *My supervisor lectured me about the constant lateness.* He 1-does not want me making up the time by skipping a break, but by instead working late and 2-frankly wants me in at 8, not coming in late and having to up time. I HAVE BEEN TELLING JAMES THIS WOULD HAPPEN FOR *HOW* FUCKING LONG NOW??? So I call him at work, in furious tears, and let him know. Let him know that the next step would be me being written up, and this can and most likely will go on my evaluation. I've politely asked James to change this. I've demanded it. I've yelled, cajoled, wheedled, screamed. Maybe fucking crying had some effect finally, which frankly disgusts me. But we will have a discussion tonight on how to make this change once and for fucking good. Because I'm in my 30s, I graduated summa cum laude with a B.S. degree, I cannot *stand* that I'm being taken to task like some unskilled, insipid high schooler that doesn't care to get to work on time--especially because of someone else.
Doesn't help I've been feeling that I'm-doing-everything overwhelmed feeling again. All his usual--procrastinations, forgetting things, general being a slob, half-assing what tasks he does do...added in things like *forgetting to lock our house doors constantly* (oh that leaves me freaked out as hell, quiet neighborhood or no), and now this, getting in trouble because of him, in one of the most grand I-told-you-so moments for a long time.
Even am stressing at my guild, tho there's not much to be done for it. I'm just tired of playing alone. But 4 people are in their 60s, two are 50s, several are 30s-20s-10s...and I'm stuck solidly alone in the middle at 40. I'm not used to always levelling solo, even on a PVE server--but at least there it was safe. But even then, solo work was mixed in with constant raiding, or having a quest buddy or doing stuff in groups. This is pretty much solid alone, and it's really fucking lonely, guild chat being great or no. Also, I'm so damned tired of not having the security of a buddy like the rest of them do in conflict zones. I do play because I enjoy playing, but this style I'm so not getting the destress/relaxation I used to.
Anyway. In short...pretty much my usual loser-ness. I'd go searching for Radiohead's Creep on my iPod (it's my anthem, yo), but I'm leery of sneaking iPod use around my coworkers, even if my supervisor's gone for the afternoon.
What is the mood that means down and angry and full of hate at every little thing?
Dear LJ: If links don't stop saying "This document contains no data", I will hit you in the face. Seriously.
Getting stuck #2 was Friday coming home from work, and was triggered by someone else's asshattery plus the city taking until midmorning Saturday to plow our street. I was lucky for the 2-3 people that pushed the Saturn up the minor hill. Next time, a Suberu Outback, I swear it. Had some major emotional snap because of this, which resulted in 3 separate not-hidden-in-the-bathroom crying jags, one of which was during my call to Mom (humiliating, and then she got Dad to call to make sure I was ok : / ) and bruised knuckles thanks to my experimentation with a cement wall.
Lunch out Saturday, but basically stayed in the rest of the weekend. Had a sore throat starting Thurs and for some reason lost my voice entirely Sat-Sun. Still croaky. Played WoW, skipped Leslie's DnD game. Got my warlock his PVP stuff for the bracket, *finally* got to 40, got the horse-on-fire mount. Yay.
Today...I knew it was coming. I *knew* it. I was ready at 7:20, James once again had us out the door late, 7:30. I get to work 10min late. *My supervisor lectured me about the constant lateness.* He 1-does not want me making up the time by skipping a break, but by instead working late and 2-frankly wants me in at 8, not coming in late and having to up time. I HAVE BEEN TELLING JAMES THIS WOULD HAPPEN FOR *HOW* FUCKING LONG NOW??? So I call him at work, in furious tears, and let him know. Let him know that the next step would be me being written up, and this can and most likely will go on my evaluation. I've politely asked James to change this. I've demanded it. I've yelled, cajoled, wheedled, screamed. Maybe fucking crying had some effect finally, which frankly disgusts me. But we will have a discussion tonight on how to make this change once and for fucking good. Because I'm in my 30s, I graduated summa cum laude with a B.S. degree, I cannot *stand* that I'm being taken to task like some unskilled, insipid high schooler that doesn't care to get to work on time--especially because of someone else.
Doesn't help I've been feeling that I'm-doing-everything overwhelmed feeling again. All his usual--procrastinations, forgetting things, general being a slob, half-assing what tasks he does do...added in things like *forgetting to lock our house doors constantly* (oh that leaves me freaked out as hell, quiet neighborhood or no), and now this, getting in trouble because of him, in one of the most grand I-told-you-so moments for a long time.
Even am stressing at my guild, tho there's not much to be done for it. I'm just tired of playing alone. But 4 people are in their 60s, two are 50s, several are 30s-20s-10s...and I'm stuck solidly alone in the middle at 40. I'm not used to always levelling solo, even on a PVE server--but at least there it was safe. But even then, solo work was mixed in with constant raiding, or having a quest buddy or doing stuff in groups. This is pretty much solid alone, and it's really fucking lonely, guild chat being great or no. Also, I'm so damned tired of not having the security of a buddy like the rest of them do in conflict zones. I do play because I enjoy playing, but this style I'm so not getting the destress/relaxation I used to.
Anyway. In short...pretty much my usual loser-ness. I'd go searching for Radiohead's Creep on my iPod (it's my anthem, yo), but I'm leery of sneaking iPod use around my coworkers, even if my supervisor's gone for the afternoon.
What is the mood that means down and angry and full of hate at every little thing?
Dear LJ: If links don't stop saying "This document contains no data", I will hit you in the face. Seriously.
