postal

If I've promised you anything this week, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry, I really am. Though I know my apologies are getting to be pretty meaningless anymore. I'll understand if there are consequences/repercussions.

Anyone needing to get ahold of me should probably email. Unless you happen to be on AIM between 5:45 and 6:15 am. I don't seem to be finding time for real interactions or much more than 'quick hi', if even that.

Self-- Refer to 4-30.

And now the campus network connection is being a bitch again. I so hate everything.

............ *twitches*

So I wait...for two hours and fifteen minutes...for my partner for the oral final tomorrow. Okay, I can deal with that. Gave me a chance to do all the online vocabulary/practice exercises for the last three chapters. Then he finally shows up ("Oh, I tried to call you back but you didn't pick up" "I don't have a cel phone. I'd called you from a *pay phone*.")...only now he's wandered off to the damned student center so he can type up what we're going to practice in Japanese (because for some reason we can't type in foreign languages on the library computers)--type up...what's already handwritten...what we only have to *SAY* tomorrow.

Goddamnit, can't we just sit and fscking *PRACTICE* this goddamned stuff already??? *goes postal* This is *not* helping my stress level.

This is going to be a long night, I can tell. If I weren't worrying about tomorrow, I'd just go the hell home. I don't want to be here forever. I've already been here since 8am. Fuck.

*tacks on, why not, i seem to have the time*

...you know, I should have thought 'gee, if things for ~some~ reason run late, I should bring some dinner-food just in case'. ... >< Haven't even started...

It's not just being tired...I don't think I'm more than normal tired. I think it's that I'm feeling like I'm giving up. So damned much information, I can't keep it all straight in my head, it all goes scrambled. And hell, all this stuff we're going to say to each other tomorrow, how the hell are we going to memorize it in a matter of...how ever many hours I can still hold out? Why the fuck didn't I think to say "No, stay here and let's practice first, so I can eventually leave...then you can type stuff up after.". Why didn't I think of that like an intelligent human being? But yeah...I feel like I've just about given up on it all. (so I suppose I shouldn't use that icon, but whatthehell). I just don't think I can do it. Get this right like I should. Yeah, I'll do ok in the end because most of our recent assigments were graded as extra credit--but I'll know how much I fscked up in the verbal and written finals...I'll know how I've still not learned this, and how shaky I"ll be for starting second year.

Or something. I'm sorry, I'm just...I don't know, I'm just something. Barfing text on a screen. Like I've packed too much into the suitcase and it's all exploding all over the room now. Part of me wants to beg for a hug, someone to let me lean and tell me it's all okay, but that all doesn't really fix anything, does it?

Fine, whatever, I told him I'd wait (like a moron) so I'll wait. But when he gets back, I'll tell him we're running through it all fscking quick, and then I get the hell out of here. I'm so fucking done with all this. ...tonight at least. *sighs*

(no subject)

Hahaha, that's funny. All that, and my study partner brings back the typed stuff and says that *he's* got to go. ...yeahfinerightwhatever, buddy. Least I can go home and do some real studying. Asshat.