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strange, strange days/daze
Dec. 27th, 2003 02:22 amAm I talking about today, or should it be yesterday now? I guess it still counts as today.
More reoccurrances of the headaches that have been coming and going since about Tuesday. Sinus-ish ones. Yesterday (Christmas-yesterday, that is) and today were particularly troublesome. Lots of motrin. Dad and Johnna were warning me that serial headaches can be precursors to migraines (which just about everyone else in my family gets, and I'd rather not start)...but dunno what more to do. I take the allergy meds, and hope for deep frost. *shrugs* Danged things are just shy of migraines as it is anyway, so...
Did just minor stuff today--laundry, dishes, bills...reminds me I should go take trash to the curb. Stupid holidays messing up their stupid schedule. If I wait to do it in the am, I know they'll come by before I get up (especially looking at the time now), and we already missed last week, so can't afford to miss another. Otherwise I'll be looking for a dumpster. Gads.
Things I did not do today, that I Very Much Should Have: packaged things for mailing, went to post ofc/UPS store. Need to do tomorrow, that and do a bank deposit. Really really need to do tomorrow. Today. Whatever. Idiot me. Also in state of freak out on RP things, as I did nothing with that either. Don't know how to get started again. Very, very worried. I'm just letting everything pass me by. It's not that I'm not interested...it's not that the *character's* not interested...just not in sync, am out of touch. Hard to describe. Very hyperventilating.
I don't get the mood I'm in today. Very quiet, withdrawn, solitary. I don't get those tests that try to determine if you're introvert or extrovert because I'm *Both*. Very both. Sometimes I'm in the middle of things, I want the crowds, the excitement, the noise, the energy. Other times, it's like today...I spend almost all of my time alone or with very few people, I don't say much (and go monosyllabic) or don't say anything at all. Feel a bit like I'd want to say hi, but that's about all I'd be capable of. Couldn't even do *this* all day, type nonsense at myself. Was too many words. Was the sort of day where...would describe it as being in a room full of people, but I'd be just drifting around the edges, kind of watching but holding myself back and keeping separate. Not sure I'm putting it into the right words. I suppose in a way it's like being inside a bubble...like when I spend all day wearing headphones at work alone in my cubicle, but to even more of an extreme. Just...is very strange.
Caught up on a couple webcomics today. Also am, for some odd reason, rereading old fanfiction--back to the SW:TPM QuiGon/ObiWan stuff, so help me. I honestly do not understand what draws me to it. Something, something, a certain feeling... Was very startled to realize that a particularly good author of that genre is from Omaha here...seems to be the sort of person that one wouldn't think would be a fanfic author, even for scifi. Just...very, very unusual type of person for this sort of thing. Probably won't email, though, just am feeling a bit weirded out at the concept.
Almost forgot--should make brief mentions of Christmasy things. Amazon gc to us from my brother. Funds from Dad and Mom so I can get a digital camera. Lots of strange trinkets and books from Mom and from an aunt and uncle. Mom has to be reminded to stop spending so much on us, for hells bells sake. Am amused at the Librarian Action Figure, and the stuffed Kiki, though. Actually, do like/appreciate all...she just spends way, way too much. Stepmother did really nice traditional Christmas turkey dinner sort of stuff. Put me to sleep rest of the day.
Did do fast food dinner this evening with Anj, Gina, and James. For all my solitaryness, was hoping to hang out with Anj some, so was decent--hard to describe, but she is one of the few rl people I know where it doesn't take any work or energy to be around her (well, most of the time). Watched Moulin Rouge, something I've been wanting to see for a long while. ...fascinating, fascinating, fascinating movie. Like Ewan McGregor, much. Developing even more of a fondness for Nicole Kidman, very very much. Such a strange, funny, freaky, bizarre, hilarious, touching, sad, gorgeous, wild, chaotic, moving movie. So many layers to it, so many meanings one can take away from it, depending on how deep one delves into the emotions behind it all. Want to own that one.
Now this quote is really hitting me... "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ...man...
I should go to bed. Shouldn't be up like this anyway. Just...too strange of a mood, my head's so not screwed on right. I feel so bad about not talking with anyone...very, very guilty about it. Just couldn't...but I imagine that doesn't make sense. Just...am sorry about it. And I can feel coherency finally completely evaporating, dissapating with each letter typed. Gone totally, time to throw in the towel. Have to be social tomorrow night--official 'Christmas' thing with Anj, Gina, and Kelly. Might make Gina watch Two Towers so she can see the RotK soon.
Reading over this...holy handgrenades, I am a freak. A rambling freak. Is like I can't communicate, but then once I start I can't freaking stop. After 3, I need to freaking *stop*... ><
And criminy, do I repeat words obsessively or what? *wearily bangs head on something* Fsck.
[edit] one last last thing. It is so strange, so wrong, to go outside at 3:30am on the 27th of December, no jacket just my normal clothes, a tshirt, even...and it's not cold. Cool, yes, chilly when the wind blows...but not cold. Just...damp. Like it's March or something. Odd and bizarre.
More reoccurrances of the headaches that have been coming and going since about Tuesday. Sinus-ish ones. Yesterday (Christmas-yesterday, that is) and today were particularly troublesome. Lots of motrin. Dad and Johnna were warning me that serial headaches can be precursors to migraines (which just about everyone else in my family gets, and I'd rather not start)...but dunno what more to do. I take the allergy meds, and hope for deep frost. *shrugs* Danged things are just shy of migraines as it is anyway, so...
Did just minor stuff today--laundry, dishes, bills...reminds me I should go take trash to the curb. Stupid holidays messing up their stupid schedule. If I wait to do it in the am, I know they'll come by before I get up (especially looking at the time now), and we already missed last week, so can't afford to miss another. Otherwise I'll be looking for a dumpster. Gads.
Things I did not do today, that I Very Much Should Have: packaged things for mailing, went to post ofc/UPS store. Need to do tomorrow, that and do a bank deposit. Really really need to do tomorrow. Today. Whatever. Idiot me. Also in state of freak out on RP things, as I did nothing with that either. Don't know how to get started again. Very, very worried. I'm just letting everything pass me by. It's not that I'm not interested...it's not that the *character's* not interested...just not in sync, am out of touch. Hard to describe. Very hyperventilating.
I don't get the mood I'm in today. Very quiet, withdrawn, solitary. I don't get those tests that try to determine if you're introvert or extrovert because I'm *Both*. Very both. Sometimes I'm in the middle of things, I want the crowds, the excitement, the noise, the energy. Other times, it's like today...I spend almost all of my time alone or with very few people, I don't say much (and go monosyllabic) or don't say anything at all. Feel a bit like I'd want to say hi, but that's about all I'd be capable of. Couldn't even do *this* all day, type nonsense at myself. Was too many words. Was the sort of day where...would describe it as being in a room full of people, but I'd be just drifting around the edges, kind of watching but holding myself back and keeping separate. Not sure I'm putting it into the right words. I suppose in a way it's like being inside a bubble...like when I spend all day wearing headphones at work alone in my cubicle, but to even more of an extreme. Just...is very strange.
Caught up on a couple webcomics today. Also am, for some odd reason, rereading old fanfiction--back to the SW:TPM QuiGon/ObiWan stuff, so help me. I honestly do not understand what draws me to it. Something, something, a certain feeling... Was very startled to realize that a particularly good author of that genre is from Omaha here...seems to be the sort of person that one wouldn't think would be a fanfic author, even for scifi. Just...very, very unusual type of person for this sort of thing. Probably won't email, though, just am feeling a bit weirded out at the concept.
Almost forgot--should make brief mentions of Christmasy things. Amazon gc to us from my brother. Funds from Dad and Mom so I can get a digital camera. Lots of strange trinkets and books from Mom and from an aunt and uncle. Mom has to be reminded to stop spending so much on us, for hells bells sake. Am amused at the Librarian Action Figure, and the stuffed Kiki, though. Actually, do like/appreciate all...she just spends way, way too much. Stepmother did really nice traditional Christmas turkey dinner sort of stuff. Put me to sleep rest of the day.
Did do fast food dinner this evening with Anj, Gina, and James. For all my solitaryness, was hoping to hang out with Anj some, so was decent--hard to describe, but she is one of the few rl people I know where it doesn't take any work or energy to be around her (well, most of the time). Watched Moulin Rouge, something I've been wanting to see for a long while. ...fascinating, fascinating, fascinating movie. Like Ewan McGregor, much. Developing even more of a fondness for Nicole Kidman, very very much. Such a strange, funny, freaky, bizarre, hilarious, touching, sad, gorgeous, wild, chaotic, moving movie. So many layers to it, so many meanings one can take away from it, depending on how deep one delves into the emotions behind it all. Want to own that one.
Now this quote is really hitting me... "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ...man...
I should go to bed. Shouldn't be up like this anyway. Just...too strange of a mood, my head's so not screwed on right. I feel so bad about not talking with anyone...very, very guilty about it. Just couldn't...but I imagine that doesn't make sense. Just...am sorry about it. And I can feel coherency finally completely evaporating, dissapating with each letter typed. Gone totally, time to throw in the towel. Have to be social tomorrow night--official 'Christmas' thing with Anj, Gina, and Kelly. Might make Gina watch Two Towers so she can see the RotK soon.
Reading over this...holy handgrenades, I am a freak. A rambling freak. Is like I can't communicate, but then once I start I can't freaking stop. After 3, I need to freaking *stop*... ><
And criminy, do I repeat words obsessively or what? *wearily bangs head on something* Fsck.
[edit] one last last thing. It is so strange, so wrong, to go outside at 3:30am on the 27th of December, no jacket just my normal clothes, a tshirt, even...and it's not cold. Cool, yes, chilly when the wind blows...but not cold. Just...damp. Like it's March or something. Odd and bizarre.
