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Sometimes, it takes just one little thing.
One comment that I make offhand to one person, can impact another person. One thing that I say, do, whatever, can ripple out and have consequences, can make another feel hurt, feel offended, and so on. One thing that I say or do without thinking, without realizing, because I can be clueless, can be thoughtless, and yes, can even be uncaring even if I don't *mean* to be.
I don't do well with guilt and regret. When I realize I've been a part of something like that, it sits inside hard and twisting like moving rock. It seems to permeate every bit of me and pull down. And then in an effort to join the party, to help the guilt, my mind begins to remember all the other things I've done or haven't done, I've said or haven't said--all the wrongs I've been a part of. I see all the things here, all the things online, and it cascades into one giant avalanche--and I face the thought that tends to always hover in the back of my mind: "I told them I wasn't truly a good person. This proves it, again.".
In a way, it's no wonder that I feel less and less connected with people here in RL, and more and more distant from those I care for out there. Doing and saying things without considering how it makes someone else feel, all those little 'one things' that combine into the gigantic mass of 'many things'--it's no surprise that it pushes people away or causes them to pull away.l
One comment that I make offhand to one person, can impact another person. One thing that I say, do, whatever, can ripple out and have consequences, can make another feel hurt, feel offended, and so on. One thing that I say or do without thinking, without realizing, because I can be clueless, can be thoughtless, and yes, can even be uncaring even if I don't *mean* to be.
I don't do well with guilt and regret. When I realize I've been a part of something like that, it sits inside hard and twisting like moving rock. It seems to permeate every bit of me and pull down. And then in an effort to join the party, to help the guilt, my mind begins to remember all the other things I've done or haven't done, I've said or haven't said--all the wrongs I've been a part of. I see all the things here, all the things online, and it cascades into one giant avalanche--and I face the thought that tends to always hover in the back of my mind: "I told them I wasn't truly a good person. This proves it, again.".
In a way, it's no wonder that I feel less and less connected with people here in RL, and more and more distant from those I care for out there. Doing and saying things without considering how it makes someone else feel, all those little 'one things' that combine into the gigantic mass of 'many things'--it's no surprise that it pushes people away or causes them to pull away.l
