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"Ode to a Jigglypuff"
May. 22nd, 2002 09:55 am...don't ask me why I wrote that. I'm honestly not sure. I can never think up good 'titles' for these things anyway--it's always somehow related to "I think", "I ponder", "I rant" or "I bitch". :p
Got smacked with some sorta weird insomnia thing last night. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't until somewhere near 3. Ugh. I'm not a zombie yet, but I probably will be tomorrow. Right now I just feel like my head's hollow.
Something weird's up with the appetite thing, too. Been noticing the past few days that I'm not as hungry as usual. Then today I know that I'm starving...my stomach's growling, and I can tell I should eat. But I'm just not interested. I just don't feel like it. I'll get something for lunch I guess, I just don't feel very motivated about it. And how many times can I abuse the word "just" anyway? Not to mention the word "anyway" itself. >_< Argh.
One bright note is that we are getting a very unexpected lump of fundage, thanks to profit-sharing at James' company. I'm trying to decide if I want to put my share towards the iPod or electric guitar I've been wanting, or if I'll go snooping at cels again (especially that one Rafael cel on ebay--him and the pillow, showing a bit of wing, gorgeous eyes, and a lovely-pensive expression...).
Back to pondering... I am wondering if it isn't time that I really be honest with myself and just admit that I will never be a writer/author. I always have all these big ideas, little plot seeds everywhere, but I never develop them. I seem to lack the spark, the dedication that enables a person to actually follow-through on an idea, go from conception to execution. There's a part of me that *wants* to write--I very much prize the process of any sort of artistic expression/creation. Not to mention I want to do so because I want to share in an interest that is so important and special to those I care about.
I just (dammit, that word again...) can't seem to motivate, can't find whatever it is to kick-start myself. It's like I can't seem to focus my interest long enough to complete anything...or much less complete, do more than write a fragment. I feel like the living embodiment of short-attention-span theater. It's true, though...I dabble in so many things. I dabble in writing, I dabble in art, I even want an electric guitar so I can dabble in music. (I think I even dabble in RL stuff, which would explain my attitudes about work and whatnot). What's the phrase--jack of all trades, master of none? Something like that... I play around with so much, but don't seem to be focused enough on anything to actually accomplish anything.
I should be honest and just admit to myself that I could spend the rest of my life reading, being a groupie, if you will, for other authors. I think I'd look less foolish if I were to quit talking big and grandiose all the time about the things "I swear this time I'm actually going to do". If I were a muse, maybe then I could have all these great ideas and always be nudging others to write them for me--but I seem to be just a human, so I gotta deal with that, ne?
Right. Pointless snarking completed, cap'n. *nods*
( The Pink Floyd song of the day... )
Got smacked with some sorta weird insomnia thing last night. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't until somewhere near 3. Ugh. I'm not a zombie yet, but I probably will be tomorrow. Right now I just feel like my head's hollow.
Something weird's up with the appetite thing, too. Been noticing the past few days that I'm not as hungry as usual. Then today I know that I'm starving...my stomach's growling, and I can tell I should eat. But I'm just not interested. I just don't feel like it. I'll get something for lunch I guess, I just don't feel very motivated about it. And how many times can I abuse the word "just" anyway? Not to mention the word "anyway" itself. >_< Argh.
One bright note is that we are getting a very unexpected lump of fundage, thanks to profit-sharing at James' company. I'm trying to decide if I want to put my share towards the iPod or electric guitar I've been wanting, or if I'll go snooping at cels again (especially that one Rafael cel on ebay--him and the pillow, showing a bit of wing, gorgeous eyes, and a lovely-pensive expression...).
Back to pondering... I am wondering if it isn't time that I really be honest with myself and just admit that I will never be a writer/author. I always have all these big ideas, little plot seeds everywhere, but I never develop them. I seem to lack the spark, the dedication that enables a person to actually follow-through on an idea, go from conception to execution. There's a part of me that *wants* to write--I very much prize the process of any sort of artistic expression/creation. Not to mention I want to do so because I want to share in an interest that is so important and special to those I care about.
I just (dammit, that word again...) can't seem to motivate, can't find whatever it is to kick-start myself. It's like I can't seem to focus my interest long enough to complete anything...or much less complete, do more than write a fragment. I feel like the living embodiment of short-attention-span theater. It's true, though...I dabble in so many things. I dabble in writing, I dabble in art, I even want an electric guitar so I can dabble in music. (I think I even dabble in RL stuff, which would explain my attitudes about work and whatnot). What's the phrase--jack of all trades, master of none? Something like that... I play around with so much, but don't seem to be focused enough on anything to actually accomplish anything.
I should be honest and just admit to myself that I could spend the rest of my life reading, being a groupie, if you will, for other authors. I think I'd look less foolish if I were to quit talking big and grandiose all the time about the things "I swear this time I'm actually going to do". If I were a muse, maybe then I could have all these great ideas and always be nudging others to write them for me--but I seem to be just a human, so I gotta deal with that, ne?
Right. Pointless snarking completed, cap'n. *nods*
( The Pink Floyd song of the day... )
