Beware pointless snarking...
1. Bored. Boredboredbored. *repeat* ... I need a new job. I really, really do. Trouble is, not many places to work at that let you basically sit on your a@@ for 8 hours at a time, not to mention provide constant internet access. I'd miss not being able to hit web and email stuff before/after work, on breaks and lunch...meh. What the hell would I do, anyway? I still haven't figured out what I wanna do with my life. Ain't that a sad thing, ya know--I spend my *entire* life knowing what I want to do, all through school and college...only to hit one speedbump and drift for years after. Is this it? Am I going to drift for the rest of my life? I hate not knowing what I want to do...I miss having that calling, that thing that I'm *sure* of. Feh.
2. I wish I had a spine. And guts. That's definitely up there on the "Ten Things I Hate About Me" list--I'm always hiding, taking the easy way out, doing what makes others happy and avoiding conflict rather than doing/saying what I want.
3. I really, really wish it weren't Wednesday. I detest Wednesday. All I do all day is dread the coming evening. Makes a person really wanna not go home.
4. TCI better as hell get our internet access back at home. Not that I could get online anyway (which pisses me off, as I really wanted to last night, and I really could use some people contact if I weren't out tonight), but I still want it working. Paying too much for the bastard for it to be going on the fritz. Rrr.
5. Bebop and the other cats have met, but we're still keeping them separated while we're gone. Strangely he and Crystal have formed a sort of uneasy truce, and don't mess with each other. Tink, the hidey cat, is being really antagonistic. Gonna be a lot of hissing and cat spatting as they get used to each other, I guess. >p
6. I need to get out of town. I mean, really. But it doesn't look like I can until Akon at the end of the month. I want very badly to just take a daytrip down to KC and go to Worlds Of Fun, but we're wanting to go with Anj--and she's been busy for the last three weekends, and will continue to be busy for the next two. And I can't even just do a roadtrip with James this wkend, as we've got obligations here in town both Saturday and Sunday. *grumbles much*
7. Extra-random thought: (not referring to anyone here, btw) Have you ever had someone where yeah, you cared about them, but not as much as you should? Where they should be your number one priority, but they aren't--like if you were made to choose between them and other people, you wouldn't be choosing them? What the hell does a person do about that? I'm speaking rhetorically, I guess. I don't think there's an answer.
8. Strange thought: Something weird hit me recently. See, I've spent my whole life terrified of death. I mean, even as a kid I'd lay awake sometimes and worry about it. And now I've realized I just don't care about it anymore. I just think about it and *shrug* oh well--if it happens, it happens. And it's not like I believe in some sort of paradise afterwards that makes dying all shiney-happy and ok...I've gone in the past year or so from having a lot of beliefs to not believing much anything of all. But still...it's just like it doesn't matter anymore. And I'm not sure why--and I'm not sure if feeling that way is a bad sign or not. It's just...odd.
9. There's also the odd thought that's been surfacing more and more, that if I'm pushed on certain things by certain people (again, none here), that I'm just gonna say "hell with it". Again, not sure why. I just feel at times I'm really tired of dealing with certain issues...I don't care anymore, and I'd be just as happy to be done with it. There's a lot of "just leave me alone" thoughts in there as well (yet yet again, not for folks here)--I guess there's a lot of me that wishes certain folks would just leave me alone, and just let me live the way I want to. I think...I think I'm finding that for once I'm rather happy with myself on certain points, and wouldn't be having any issues at all if I were free to be me, and free to admit who that me is. ...or something like that.
10. This has really degenerated. Feh. Apologies, all
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