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Well, what do you know...
Dec. 6th, 2001 05:04 pmI actually did talk to someone last night. I can't believe I did. Are things better? Hell fucking no. But one person out there knows what's in my head, so I guess that's an improvement of some sort. The biggest problem is, that what I'm feeling and the changes I'm experiencing fit a classic psychological profile--so at this point it's impossible to tell if I'm actually going through something that's real and permanent, or if I'm just feeling things because of fear and some crap like that. In short--I was advised not to do anything permanent yet, to work on things for a while. Then if after a time...what, six months, a year?...if I still feel the way I do, I can be more assured that it's all real, and I can then decide what to do, knowing I tried.
Though that doesn't make things easier in the short term...there are still some things in my personal relationships I'm going to have to be dealing with, despite the fact that there are certain things I just *don't* want right now. Guess I'll have to figure out how to deal with that, adapt, or get around it somehow.
Nice and vague. Woo hoo. At least this is a venting source of some sort. Having none at all will eat at you inside like nothing else, until you just can't function.
Whee, fun...it's like my whole life is "wait and see"...I'm not a patient person, I tend to come to decisions quickly, and move on. So this will be interesting. What's real, what's real...self-analysis kinda reeks. But at least one good thing about the concept of "trying"...if *I* know I've tried, and things still don't work, no one can give me shit if I have to make an unpopular decision. We'll see, ne?
Heh, won't even talk about my latest career crisis. One of these days I'll figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. Would help if the U actually paid a decent wage, and didn't keep raising insurance costs. And even more budget cuts loom...feh.
Though that doesn't make things easier in the short term...there are still some things in my personal relationships I'm going to have to be dealing with, despite the fact that there are certain things I just *don't* want right now. Guess I'll have to figure out how to deal with that, adapt, or get around it somehow.
Nice and vague. Woo hoo. At least this is a venting source of some sort. Having none at all will eat at you inside like nothing else, until you just can't function.
Whee, fun...it's like my whole life is "wait and see"...I'm not a patient person, I tend to come to decisions quickly, and move on. So this will be interesting. What's real, what's real...self-analysis kinda reeks. But at least one good thing about the concept of "trying"...if *I* know I've tried, and things still don't work, no one can give me shit if I have to make an unpopular decision. We'll see, ne?
Heh, won't even talk about my latest career crisis. One of these days I'll figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. Would help if the U actually paid a decent wage, and didn't keep raising insurance costs. And even more budget cuts loom...feh.
