whitereflection (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whitereflection) wrote2011-03-08 03:36 pm
whitereflection) wrote2011-03-08 03:36 pm
just lose it
Today I am especially understanding why cat 3 of 3 (Tink) spends so much time hiding under the folded blankets on the couch. I need blankets of my own, like all the time, to keep me away from people, to keep people away from me. And I need a sort of internet-blanket, too, because I need that buffer just as much online as offline. This tag should be more like "non-existent" rather than just "rusty", I think.
But really, can I even use the term people skills at all, in quotes or otherwise, if dealing with any people just absolutely freaks me the fuck out--whether those people are strangers, acquaintances, friends, BFFs, guildmates, online friends, significant other, extended family, or blood relations?
It's funny, I like having connections with people--I really *need* such, and sometimes I get lonely like you wouldn't believe. But then I screw it up and/or am just horrible to others, or the slightest pressure or conflict leaves me feeling like I'm just sort of cracking apart, and jesus, I need to be under the blanket like some lump-of-cat, curled up in the dark, just me, peering out to see what's going on but hidden away from it all. For real or symbolically, or both. Or maybe do like when I was a kid, when it was no big deal to hide out and play inside a closet or under a desk. Maybe a blanket fort. Any of those would do pretty well, too.
"Can't hear you. I'm inside my protective blanket of fear." (http://www.pvponline.com/2000/09/06/wed-sep-06/ )
But really, can I even use the term people skills at all, in quotes or otherwise, if dealing with any people just absolutely freaks me the fuck out--whether those people are strangers, acquaintances, friends, BFFs, guildmates, online friends, significant other, extended family, or blood relations?
It's funny, I like having connections with people--I really *need* such, and sometimes I get lonely like you wouldn't believe. But then I screw it up and/or am just horrible to others, or the slightest pressure or conflict leaves me feeling like I'm just sort of cracking apart, and jesus, I need to be under the blanket like some lump-of-cat, curled up in the dark, just me, peering out to see what's going on but hidden away from it all. For real or symbolically, or both. Or maybe do like when I was a kid, when it was no big deal to hide out and play inside a closet or under a desk. Maybe a blanket fort. Any of those would do pretty well, too.
"Can't hear you. I'm inside my protective blanket of fear." (http://www.pvponline.com/2000/09/06/wed-sep-06/ )
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People skills are hard, especially if you don't have a natural instinct for them. For what it's worth, I still like you <3.
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*long distance hugs*
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