10 things I hate about...

[whitereflection]

Really feeling disgusted with myself today, extremely so. God, I don't like myself sometimes. I don't like it when I act like an idiot, when I act like a spoiled, petulant, whining child, when I'm clueless and thoughtless and rude. I don't like it when I'm weak and needy, pathetic and clingy, depressive and bitchy. And yet, for all that I don't like myself those ways, I sure don't seem to keep myself from being like that, do I? If I *really* meant it that I didn't want to be those ways, I'd change, wouldn't I? I'd find ways to fix the problems, and to become difrerent, wouldn't I?

And I still don't know how to see in myself the things that others see in me. I just can't seem to see those things--can't seem to understand enough to believe that they're real. It just leaves me with this feeling that they surely are mistaken.

It's kind of funny, how the silences can speak such volumes to me--while words that are actually said, that are yelled even, are like whispers that I never quite hear.

Comments

[mintaka00.livejournal.com]

Oh you... oh I don't like coming home to find you've been feeling so about yourself. Because I know for a fact that you are not spoiled, clueless, rude, thoughtless or any other horrible words that I just hate to see you feeling about yourself.

I'm going to have to find some way from over here to help you see better. I can tell you that I believe in you. I can tell you that your kindness has influenced who I am. That I respect you, that you make me laugh, that you make me think quietly, thoughtfully. That you are so many things and that even through only the bits of yourself you share in this journal you have enriched my life. And I just wish I could find a way to return some of that to you, to help you feel better.

I'm babbling I think, I'm sorry my brain isn't to be trusted right now. But I just... Di, you're so nice. You're such a fun person, and you are so good to people. I hate to see you down, and especially about yourself.

I've been missing you for too long. If you find you have time to chat sometime, e-mail me and I'll be there. Silly stuff, serious stuff, whatever is on your mind.

Remember, you are incredibly important to so many people. And that’s because of the person you are. ~hugs so tightly~

[hijiri.livejournal.com]

::loves you til you feel better ::ponders:: and a couple centuries after:: purrsandsnuggles::

Daijoubu itooshi-ai ::grins:: if needed, I'll keep repeating, your beautiful, bright, warm, caring, considering, and way too hard on yourself. ::slurps::

~Hijiri~