More apologies...

[whitereflection]

I've come to feel I've said too much here recently. I think I've gone beyond the point of open and honest or venting to just revealing too much--a WTMI (way too much information) sort of thing. And I'm sorry...at the time I didn't consider that it might make anyone uncomfortable, and I really, truly wasn't out to make anyone worry about me.

I guess it's just...I've been carrying a lot of anger and other negative emotions around for a long time, and sometimes, like recently, that anger and emotion flares up. Sometimes it gets directed at others, a lot of times it gets directed at me--it's especially easy to direct anger at myself. And that sort of thinking/talking/acting is a result.

I just know how bad it looks--melodramatic at best and psychotic at worst. And just...too much, in general. I tend to curb that, usually, I just let more of it out and made it more visible this time. I really shouldn't have. For someone who worries as much as I do what others think about me, and worries about stretching the bonds of friendship too far, I really let too much of the negative stuff show. I am sorry about that.

Comments

[arsenothelys.livejournal.com]

I know I'm not a friend of yours in the strict sense of the word, but... maybe you are still judging yourself a little too harsh?

I didn't get any melodramatic and psychotic vibes from your posts at all, just the idea that you needed to vent. ^^ You're having some trouble with some part of your actions, and things just come to a head, and you can't keep silently brooding on them anymore - you need to blow off steam, to get rid of all the stuff. I think everybody has moments where they're having a tough time because they feel like they're not living up to their standards... It's just a part of the human experience. ^^

And it's far less stressful to post this kind of thing openly than to churn and chip away at it silently in the corners of your mind... A friend of mine justifies these feelings as "psychological upkeep" - feeling like this every once in awhile helps to keep him sane. I liken it to a thunderstorm - not the most pleasant of weather, but there's a lovely smell of fresh ozone in the air when it's blown over.

Re:

[whitereflection.livejournal.com]

Hey. I appreciate you taking the time to say something, especially since we just 'met' not that long ago (but even an acquaintance is a sort of friend, just one starting out :) ). And you've got good things to say--any sort of wisdom is good at times like these. Anyway, thanks. Though I don't think I'm being too harsh on myself--but I'm working on all that, or trying to.

Heh, though the way I go, this sort of venting feels more like tornado or hurricane than thunderstorm. Volcano...that would be applicable, too. Eh. ^^;

Oh, and hope all the exams are going ok--good luck on all of that.

--Di