whitereflection (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whitereflection) wrote2004-04-13 05:50 pm
whitereflection) wrote2004-04-13 05:50 pm
Entry tags:
Drabble
Because...something like this has been sitting in my head for many, many months now. Um. Written in 50 minutes, absolutely unedited, untinkered with, unpolished. Ah, and written some on work time, some on time that I should have been going home on (making myself very late, hell).
[edit: btw, if anyone feels like offering beta reader-type comments/suggestions, it would be most appreciated. At the least I'll be spell-checking it and edit-gnawing on it myself when I get the chance before I think to post it anywhere else.]
Untitled drabble for POT (Kaidoh)
Written by Di
I do not own
Shounen-ai (duh), pertaining to InuMomoKai (or more specifically InuKai/KaiInu & KaiMomo, if one wants to be picky about direction of emotion)
Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. It showed in his life, in how he made sure the things around him were just so, in how he made sure he went through the events of life in just a certain way. And it showed in his tennis, in how he handled the ball, in how he made his opponents handle the ball--his shots went where he wanted them, to be returned (or not) where he would be ready for them. The boomerang snake shot was one example of this, making his opponents tire themselves out was another.
Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. And he did not like *not* being in control.
He couldn't quite put his finger on when it had all started going wrong, when the control he was crafting over his life had started falling to pieces. Perhaps it was a bit when Echizen Ryoma had first showed up and defeated Kaidoh so damned thoroughly. But in the end, Kaidoh had adapted to the wild change brought about to himself, to all of Seigaku, by the cocky brat; he had grown, become stronger because of the loss, and so he did not think it had brought about a loss of control, but in fact a gain in it.
No, it was after that. When he realized that his sempai was looking at him, was watching him. And not for data. In....that way. That was like the pebble that launched an avalanche. Because Kaidoh soon realized that he...that he was watching *back*. And he couldn't stop himself. No matter what he said to himself, no matter what he thought, no matter how hard he trained or how much discipline he exerted over himself, he couldn't stop himself watching. Couldn't stop himself growing fascinated. Couldn't stop himself...feeling.
He'd lost control over the most dangerous thing of all. Emotion.
And that on its own, to have allowed that sort of breach in his defenses, was bad enough. But now it was happening...again. With no lessening in what was drawing him to Inui-sempai, what was making him...want and...need things...it was happening again. With the last person in the world he would have ever, ever wanted to feel such things for.
His rival. The person he'd...he'd hated. The one who drove him insane (while also driving him on--to go farther, to go faster, to be stronger, to become *more*). The idiot, the slacker, the...
...one of the most determined, persistent, strong people he knew. Who could act like a moron one minute, then achieve near impossible feats when he applied himself a moment later. Who, like Inui-sempai, like himself, had faced defeat, then picked himself up, gritted his teeth, and through dedication and force of will trained until he practically bled to regain that which he'd let slip from his grasp.
Who Kaidoh Kaoru could never, *ever* allow to know about Kaidoh's loss of control. Who could not be allowed to see that there was a crack in the wall around Kaidoh Kaoru. Just like Inui-sempai, Momoshiro Takeshi could not be permitted to see how Kaidoh Kaoru was no longer strong. Was no longer in control. They could not be allowed to see that, weak and out of control, Kaidoh was puppet to emotions. To feelings...for them.
Chest heaving, breathing harsh, hoarse, and raw, muscles burning (like his throat from the scream he kept locked inside), Kaidoh squeezed his eyes shut and arched his face against the driving rain. All around him the storm raged huge, with stretching forked lightning and roaring thunder that shuddered through the heavens and wind that tore around him; all of it as immense as he was small, its majesty mocking him for how weak, powerless, and pathetic he was. Then suddenly, as abruptly as he'd stopped, he started running again, running faster, running harder, fists clenched achingly hard as if that could magically restrain the feelings that ran free and wild within him. As if that could somehow finally contain the emotions. Control them. Make them go away.
Above him, the lightning and thunder roared laughter at him. Around him, the wind jeered at him. And all over him, the rain painted him in the cold tears he would never, ever let himself shed. Because Kaidoh Kaoru liked control.
[edit: btw, if anyone feels like offering beta reader-type comments/suggestions, it would be most appreciated. At the least I'll be spell-checking it and edit-gnawing on it myself when I get the chance before I think to post it anywhere else.]
Untitled drabble for POT (Kaidoh)
Written by Di
I do not own
Shounen-ai (duh), pertaining to InuMomoKai (or more specifically InuKai/KaiInu & KaiMomo, if one wants to be picky about direction of emotion)
Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. It showed in his life, in how he made sure the things around him were just so, in how he made sure he went through the events of life in just a certain way. And it showed in his tennis, in how he handled the ball, in how he made his opponents handle the ball--his shots went where he wanted them, to be returned (or not) where he would be ready for them. The boomerang snake shot was one example of this, making his opponents tire themselves out was another.
Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. And he did not like *not* being in control.
He couldn't quite put his finger on when it had all started going wrong, when the control he was crafting over his life had started falling to pieces. Perhaps it was a bit when Echizen Ryoma had first showed up and defeated Kaidoh so damned thoroughly. But in the end, Kaidoh had adapted to the wild change brought about to himself, to all of Seigaku, by the cocky brat; he had grown, become stronger because of the loss, and so he did not think it had brought about a loss of control, but in fact a gain in it.
No, it was after that. When he realized that his sempai was looking at him, was watching him. And not for data. In....that way. That was like the pebble that launched an avalanche. Because Kaidoh soon realized that he...that he was watching *back*. And he couldn't stop himself. No matter what he said to himself, no matter what he thought, no matter how hard he trained or how much discipline he exerted over himself, he couldn't stop himself watching. Couldn't stop himself growing fascinated. Couldn't stop himself...feeling.
He'd lost control over the most dangerous thing of all. Emotion.
And that on its own, to have allowed that sort of breach in his defenses, was bad enough. But now it was happening...again. With no lessening in what was drawing him to Inui-sempai, what was making him...want and...need things...it was happening again. With the last person in the world he would have ever, ever wanted to feel such things for.
His rival. The person he'd...he'd hated. The one who drove him insane (while also driving him on--to go farther, to go faster, to be stronger, to become *more*). The idiot, the slacker, the...
...one of the most determined, persistent, strong people he knew. Who could act like a moron one minute, then achieve near impossible feats when he applied himself a moment later. Who, like Inui-sempai, like himself, had faced defeat, then picked himself up, gritted his teeth, and through dedication and force of will trained until he practically bled to regain that which he'd let slip from his grasp.
Who Kaidoh Kaoru could never, *ever* allow to know about Kaidoh's loss of control. Who could not be allowed to see that there was a crack in the wall around Kaidoh Kaoru. Just like Inui-sempai, Momoshiro Takeshi could not be permitted to see how Kaidoh Kaoru was no longer strong. Was no longer in control. They could not be allowed to see that, weak and out of control, Kaidoh was puppet to emotions. To feelings...for them.
Chest heaving, breathing harsh, hoarse, and raw, muscles burning (like his throat from the scream he kept locked inside), Kaidoh squeezed his eyes shut and arched his face against the driving rain. All around him the storm raged huge, with stretching forked lightning and roaring thunder that shuddered through the heavens and wind that tore around him; all of it as immense as he was small, its majesty mocking him for how weak, powerless, and pathetic he was. Then suddenly, as abruptly as he'd stopped, he started running again, running faster, running harder, fists clenched achingly hard as if that could magically restrain the feelings that ran free and wild within him. As if that could somehow finally contain the emotions. Control them. Make them go away.
Above him, the lightning and thunder roared laughter at him. Around him, the wind jeered at him. And all over him, the rain painted him in the cold tears he would never, ever let himself shed. Because Kaidoh Kaoru liked control.