Jun. 17th, 2011 09:07 am
whitereflection: (BALLS.)
Also: Car is definitely not fixed, and now is chugging/hesitating so badly, acceleration is problematic. Goes to a different shop Tuesday, am crossing fingers it makes it until then.

And: stopped for comfort donuts on my way back from the vet's, and counter employee translated chocolate with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles to mean vanilla donut with white frosting and chocolate sprinkles. Allrighty then.
whitereflection: (winchesters bicker bicker bicker)
Figures. Two whole rumbles of thunder and one flash of lightning about 6pm, and then it all passed us by, no rain. But it's managed to leave me with an absolutely fabulous pressure-change headache. And that stupid Blind Melon song in my head. Fucksticks.

ell oh ell )

Finally started playing Wynnchester again, got her to 81. Getting over that weird mental block I had about ret paladin rotation/prioritization, at least for the moment. Got cranky when looking at the Elitist Jerks guide about retadins, because they could mention hit and expertise cap, but it's obviously beneath them to use the five extra words to actually *say what those are*. Because obviously people who don't know already shouldn't be looking at their guides, right. All hail Google.
whitereflection: (Default)
Was going to do a voice post of some Irish poet to mark the day, but the cold's totally fucked my voice, so I'll give that a pass, I guess. Happy St.Patrick's Day anyway. Have a cute and yet appropriate-ish gif. (No beer for me, though, green or otherwise--tea, perhaps.)

[ profile] ormolu did a post "A musing on geek culture" ( ) that expresses perfectly issues I've had with being a female geek. After all, you think male geek, you don't think "must be sexy", right? So why's it like that for girls/women? As she says But still, it's annoying and indicative of a larger problem. Even in our own geek culture, we geek girls must fight to be seen as people first and foremost.
whitereflection: (BALLS.)
I hate that feeling of "Oh hey, got up at 9:30, that's not so bad--OMGWTF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME WHAT NO DX" Which means I got up at 10:30, which then feels like I slept in too late and ugh. Fucking DST, I hate youuuuuuuuu. That shift of just one hour is gonna make me feel weird for days. :/ Wish I lived somewhere where they didn't change time in fall and spring.

Jeebus. Is there coffee? I need coffee. X(


Feb. 27th, 2011 07:08 pm
whitereflection: (sam doesn't make a difference)
Another episode of How I Suck At Everything. This time, tabletop gaming edition. Can't wait for the next episode, online computer game edition (part eleventy-billion), coming tonight. Yeah, I know, just downhormonemo, but still. Just would like to do things and, preferably, be good at them, or at least just be able to do them and have fun without having to always having it pointed out that I'm fucking up. (And it bothers me when I try to talk about it with someone, and I don't get empathy or sympathy, just get blown off. Thanks.) Sometimes I think, is this the way things really are supposed to be--40 more years of just kind of being a screw-up? I just, seriously, what's the point. It's too bad I have no interest in children, my own or adopted, so I could at least feel like I accomplished something.

Funeral for my uncle is on Tuesday, at practically the exact same time my dentist appointment should have been. So first thing Monday I have to call my dentist and re-reschedule (funny thing how I just rescheduled last week because their office-closed days changed).

Been a fuckin cranky old woman the past couple days. Just...annoyed by stupid crap, and feeling like I am totally missing something by the way I simply don't care about certain things that others fan so hard they're all but in hysterics. I dunno, I guess, I just don't go hysterical about celebrities, and I still just am missing *something* about the one that like the whole fandom is nuts over--and I don't gush over celebrity couples, so when people freaking go insane about them, I just am like ", okay?" I dunno. I guess I'm just too old, too cynical and jaded, or something. And I'm a fucking picky bitch, too--saw a fic posted to some comm last night that if I didn't have a brain-to-typing filter, so *so* wanted to comment "Ohmygod, are you 12 or something?" So hi, I am a horrible person and full of unpopular opinions and bad thoughts.
whitereflection: (sam fuck your shit up)
I swear, I am trying to be better today. Really, I promise. I've been trying. :x But. (You knew there was going to be a "but", right?)

The place repairing the car called to update today and left a message. Now it's not even the Monday/Tuesday promised yesterday. Now they say they're waiting for three parts, the last of which will not arrive until Wednesday the 22nd. But it gets *better*. The scheduled "done" date? DECEMBER 30th. I just...let me summarize my feelings on this by quoting the internet: WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN. If that's the case, they want to keep our car--for a minor fender-bender repair that is only requiring *three* parts--for a total of FIFTEEN days?? WTHIF.

I am *livid*. I know there's holidays, but this is fucking *ridiculous*. Even with it coming in the 22nd, I can't understand why they won't just get on it and then get it out by the 23rd. Why is this repair going to take EIGHT fucking days after they finally get the parts?

Called the husband at work and asked him to call the repair place and/or our insurance company. At the least, our insurance company needs to know that one of their chosen repair centers is absofucking dicking us around. And yeah, called the husband at work to make those calls, because while I am at home, if I were to contact them, there would be *screaming*. For fuck's sake.

Anyway. At the least, the rental is very nice, a 2010 Mazda 3 4d sedan with many ~features~. Considering I'm used to an eleven year old car with no features at all, it is rather neat. It makes me consider one of that type whenever we do get another vehicle.

But ugh...I want to hide in WoW to destress, but right now even WoW is stressing me. I absolutely don't even want to try more heroics at this point, and sort of want to just hide from the game entirely rather than deal with them. I sort of hate this point in the game. :x I know as a progression raider, that's what has to be done, just working on your main toon until they're ready for raiding so you don't slow down the group. But I want so badly to just play some meaningless alt and hide. I have such juvenile, regressive ways of reacting to stress. :/
whitereflection: (Default)
Mood is in the absolute crapper of late. One of the times pms is especially godawful, I suppose. But if I am extra withdrawn the last few days, that's why. Not doing well at dealing with people, even in-game. Anger issues are definitely a problem this time around, seriously blowing up at stupidly minor frustrations and people being idiots that I should shrug off. I'm always the one that looks bad for it, and it's embarassing; yet, I just can't seem to keep it under control.

Anyway. Ak hit 85 on Saturday, the husband's toon the next day. Starting the usual end-game routine of daily quests, rep grinding, dungeons and heroic dungeons. My annoyance with how they've set up the jewelcrafting profession compared to the other professions knows no bounds. But seriously, if the one guy in guild keeps pushing me around about my plans on how to get designs for the guild, especially since he's *helping out* and I'm the one that should be telling *him* how to proceed, I'm going to lose my shit again.

So behind on Christmas things. And I started out so well, too.

Edit: Also think I'm going to be dropping out of the j2everafter thing. I feel bad, since i claimed a signup someone else could have had. But at this point, I don't think there's any way I'm capable of finishing it (I haven't even done more than that tentative start from November), and am in a really bad mental place about my writing abilities.


Nov. 23rd, 2010 09:59 am
whitereflection: (sam narrowed eyes (bw))
Am I a cranky bitch? Why yes, yes, I am. :|

(Also *extremely* excited about it being the patch that starts The Shattering in WoW, and sparkle-eyed at the new splash screen and cinematic. But still, very, very, *very* cranky. Lots of "well, eff *you*" and "whateva, I do what I want" in my head, atm.)

>:[ >:E even.


Nov. 19th, 2010 08:04 pm
whitereflection: (WTHIF!!!!)

Son of a...asdfkjk >_< I guess I have to search for downloads after. FFFFFFFFFFFF.
whitereflection: (Default)
Dear self: When LJ changes your default items per page from 20 to 10 *AGAIN*, switch it back by going to customize journal style, customize your theme, presentation. Fuck, they make that hard to find. >.< Rrrrrrrrrr.
This Is The Place, Sam/Dean, NC17, 24K
Also Dear Self, leaving this here to reread someday, because ffffffffffffff god I loved it so much. ♥ Everything that makes a Di happy. It's so much of what I like best to read.

I am so full of whining I should carry around cheeses with me (aged swiss and sharp cheddar are all good, and so is brie). Shoulda bought popsicles yesterday.
WHITE REFLECTION (Reprise, Full Size Version) by TWO MIX, OVA ending theme for Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz. Got nostalgic--blame [ profile] verbranden.
whitereflection: (winchesters this is the sign)

Took Mom out for dinner for her 60th yesterday, and gave her the Kindle that my brother, his gf, and the husband and I all got for her (for birthday and Christmas, at least for James and I, considering our budget). She's very gleeful about it.

Realized it's been over 3 years since I posted Put Your Hands Into The Fire (a KHII thing for that one springkink community). That one to this day remains the only thing I've written that I not only like, but have read/reread for my own enjoyment. I think the thing I miss most about AkuRoku was feeling like I actually could do (at least my interpretation of) the characters right, that I actually had a bit of confidence/comfortability with them and didn't feel so awkward (and I feel like I did schmoop better back then, too). Definitely the reverse for writing for SPN now--I have yet to really feel comfortable in Sam and Dean's heads, and even Our Endless Numbered Days isn't one I truly like (I see so many things I did wrong with it, ugh. How the hell did it ever get recced.).

It's funny, I've written four short things and one long piece for both fandoms. Though that doesn't count any [ profile] spnland work (which in a way I don't consider because some/most of it was half-assed, none was beta'd or submitted to any communities) or poetry (I have trouble counting poetry amongst fanwork in a way because sometimes it feels like fandom doesn't really count it--like at some of the comms that track fanworks for a pairing, they'll note fic, serial fic, bigbangs, drabbles, art, videos...but not poetry.). If I counted all that, I've done more for SPN, which makes me even more frustrated with feeling like such a bumbling newbie still.

Am worrying about the challenge I signed up for at [ profile] summer_sam_love. The germ of an idea I had (I claimed doing a fic tag for Swan Song) has refused to spark and feels pretty much dead. And I just can't seem to generate any other ideas at all, especially ones that haven't already been done and done again, and aren't just completely 2-D, flat and lifeless. I worry that I need to contact them and give the episode to someone else to claim--but I so wanted to do *something*, you know? I really, really think Sam is awesome and just wanted to *show* that somehow. Bah. I dunno. Maybe I'll give it another week or so.
whitereflection: (winchesters unimpressed and kinda offend)
So when leaving the grocery store, got caught up in some congestion in the parking lot. A lawn service truck and trailer cuts in front of me, but can't completely make the turn, so the dude just makes the congestion worse. I honked at him when he cut me off...and the dude turns to us (mom was in the car, too), and through his open window makes crying motions at us. When we're stopped at the intersection to leave the parking lot, he sat there making more taunting gestures at us.

I'm trying to get ahold of the business, since I could see the name of it on the truck (uh, hello), as well as make note of what the truck and trailer it was pulling's license plates. Haven't been able to get ahold of them though, just a machine. Sounds like it might just be a family business, so I hope to hell I get the woman who did the answering machine message and not the guy (who I'm assuming was the dude driving the truck WAY TO BE A BUSINESS OWNER SIR).

So not like anyone on my flist is from Nebraska, much less from Omaha or the areas that truck screenprinting indicated the business covered (Fremont, Blair, Lincoln), but I figured it was worth noting the business name since this ends up on the internet and can be websearched. Landmark Lawn service who from what I could tell was from 29 county (truck plate 29-8266 and trailer plate ending in -X6654), has an employee/potential owner with extremely poor professionalism and who frankly is a prick while driving his company's vehicle.

Still v. irritable about the extended family situation, now pissed at this (I'd be just annoyed if it were some person in a private car, but a business owner in the business vehicle? PISSED.) And late this afternoon I get to drive to my brother's MFA (creative writing) graduation. Yay for him (his 4th damned degree, christ), but it's an hour drive either way, plus the ceremony time plus the fact that we're supposed to get there 45 min before it even begins. Lovely.

[Edit: I love getting the impression that a parental unit doesn't think I know how to dress appropriately for a graduation. I am, you know, nearly 37 and have attended many official ceremonies and I do have some common sense. I may be a loser slacker-slob, but I'm, you know, going to change into a nice shirt and not stay in this worn out Warcraft shirt. I've still got a few brains left.]
whitereflection: (sam control)
So I get up this morning to hear from my mother that my last grandparent, her father, died last night. Let me say first off that this is in no way needing of any condolences. I have no love for this man, and as I expected am relieved he's finally gone. And as I have been for years, a touch bitter that of all my grandparents that he was the longest lived and the last to go.

What is irking me though... He was a horrible person, and did horrible things to certain members of that side of my family, and he never felt any remorse and never even felt he'd done anything wrong. There's a large number of that side of the family that cut off ties with him; but there were also a few that did keep in contact with him and cared for him toward the end.

The problem is, these few were the less than responsible and mature members of the family. They couldn't seem to figure out how to make funeral arrangements somewhere along the way (even though he was over 90 and so it was just a matter of time), and don't appear to even have access to whatever bank accounts my grandfather had. So now they're in a tizzy and have pulled my mother into the situation to start going through papers and trying to figure out if there's any funds in his accounts for funeral/burial stuff.

My mother is one of the last people who should have to deal with anything to do with my grandfather's life. It should be those few that maintained contact despite what my grandfather was guilty of. Yet because she's too goddamned nice and overresponsible, and always helps if asked, she's over there going through paperwork despite the place is probably scuzzy and going to kill her asthma and allergies and set off who knows what old mental triggers.

And lord knows, if they truly don't have access to his funds, it'll end up in court or something to get access to what little's there, to deal with it and the final arrangements, and I'm sure they'll drag her along on that too, because they're too helpless and idiotic to be able to manage anything like the adults they are. What a stupid mess.

I dunno. There's something to be said for just kindling and lighter fluid and a match (fuck, might as well get some salt), and leave it at that.
whitereflection: (winchesters unimpressed and kinda offend)
/rant on

Have been picking my way through an individual's substantial rec list (not an individual on my flist), and one particular story just aggravated the spit out of me. J2 fic, and just...holy fucking crap, Jensen was so painfully out of character it makes me want to stomp around and make monster noises.

Not only was he described so, like all slight and slender and frail (um, just because he's no body builder, do they not notice the guy seems to have really awesome muscles?), but oh god, his personality. I'm not talking simply shy and reserved--but absofucking unable to stand up for himself in anything. All but incapable of defending himself at all (which of course meant Jared coming to his rescue multiple times in the fic)--but also with absolutely no self esteem at all, a complete and total spineless doormat that was at the mercy of the person he was in a horrid relationship with. I just can't put into *words* how...beyond meek, but *weak* he was written as.

So I understand in RPF/RPS or whatever you call it, it's a fantasy, an imagined thing. But you're choosing to write with a certain individual for a *reason*, right? Because you are interested in them as they are, right? Not because you just like their goddanged name and slap it on a caricature so not resembling the individual that you might as well have given them a freaking brand new name?

I have said and I will always say--if you're writing fanfiction about characters, fiction based on real individuals, you use their physical likeness and personalities. If you aren't going to stay in character, just freaking accept you're making your own characters and put it out there as an original story.

What annoys me the most is that in this rec, there's the phrase The image of Jensen in this story is of luminous, fragile beauty which is so very alluring. ...I just. Not only is this story where the characterization is so fucking *wrong* recced, but the way he's written, the way he's so godawfully, painfully OOC is *praised*. Luminous, fragile beauty my ass. Written like a uke bishounen combined with a bad bodice ripper heroine, with with a martyr complex and absolutely no ability to take control of anything in his life at all. All this in a romcom fic setting.

Honestly. I just can't comprehend how there can be such good writing out there--but at the same time some writers get attention and praise, even from people who've written amazing things, for what's obviously quantity without quality. I just...RRGH.

/rant off
whitereflection: (sam bloodrage)
It is the sort of day where:
1. At the store, Mom gets one of the 10lb. bags of birdseed she was buying out of her cart at the register, and lo and behold it had a hole in it which snagged the cart, ripped the bag open, and spilled all over the floor.

2. We get home and discover that the bottle of milk I bought was seriously leaking, and because of course no grocery bag can be without holes, it'd soaked the carseat beneath it. (Have tried to sponge it up with dry towels, clean the seat off with a damp towel plus upholstery cleaner, but it's so damned hot and humid out in the garage, I don't know if it'll dry well, even with the car and garage doors open. Please don't let it end up smelling of bad milk or end up mildewing. The upholstery cleaner fragrance smell is bad enough.)

Bebop's supposed to be seen by the vet again today, but thanks to the freak windstorm of this early morning, their power's been out and they haven't been able to schedule it. So freaking behind on everything today. ANNOYANCES. At least my inner voice is down from "shitdamnsonofabitchfuck" to a more calm "wharrgarbl". I should be glad I haven't gotten cursed with [ profile] verbranden's luck and ended up with a car accident like what happened to one of my RL friends. Though I'm still looking over my shoulder because surely someone's going to end up hit by a meteor or something.
whitereflection: (winchesters and without you i break)
FFFFFFFFF. Surprise deathfics are NEVER cool. Asdfsksdfjsdk goddamn, *warnings* PLEASE. ARGHL. Stupid stupid author, I don't care if you were one of those rare examples of good technical writing over there, I will never read you ever again. I'd rather read crap that's poorly spelled and with crap grammar that uses warnings than someone whose writing is awesome but that can't bother to slap a warning: major character death up at the top (or even a See warnings at bottom and then put the death warning there, because yes, I do check).

Hate, hate, *hate* how I feel after reading something like that. I don't care if it's handled in a "they're in a better place now" sort of way. I don't LIKE reading that and I wouldn't have read it at all if they would have bothered to warn. But no, now even though I stopped at the line of "never woke up again" and only briefly glanced at the next bit to see that yes, character x had indeed died, I'm going to feel crappy the rest of the evening.

Son of a biscuit. Always worse when it's some really long, multichapter fic, too. Nice to get really drawn in, and them BAM. (And especially awesome when they took fourteen chapters to get a character to work through why he shouldn't be suicidal and should live, despite a disability and BAM OH HEY ILLNESS BAI. Fuck. What was the *point*? Might as well have let them use the gun first chapter. I just. ARGH.)
whitereflection: (where are my fucking pizza rolls)
So today we were *supposed* to have the vents/ductwork cleaned. You know, like was planned when I signed the contract to have the furnace/ac replaced, and like was scheduled for today last week. But I got this call from the company last night. They wanted to reschedule because they've been blasted with emergency repairs--because our temps have hit upper 80s/lower 90s (and it's humid to boot). Okay, no big deal, I can respect that.

Then I find out they want to reschedule...for almost a MONTH from now. Um. WHAT. Fucking June 21?

I can see having to shuffle a few days. But there is no way in HELL that they have three-four solid weeks of emergency repairs that have come up. More like what's happened is they've fucking overbooked, and they expect me to go to the back of the damned line for it. Um sorry, but wtf. I agreed to this, paid for this, scheduled this, and even the sales people told me to get it done as soon as possible after getting that new furnace and heat pump installed. So I want it done *promptly* and not to be made to wait a damned month after--*especially* not after they scheduled me for just a week after install originally.

I am about ready to be done with this company. I feel like I'm being treated cavalierly, like my business really doesn't matter to them. And when I protested the appointment move, they *laid a fucking guilt trip on me*, basically making me be the bad guy by demanding the service when there were people out there who'd be going without AC if I took claimed the two workers for my appointment. I hate that, you know? The way if I put my foot down I'd be the bad guy in this and a bitch.

Though what can I say. It works. : / I let them reschedule me for June 21, but the person on the phone said she'd have her manager call me to discuss it since I was unhappy about it. Fine, whatever. Let's see if the manager even calls. And if she does, I'm going to emphasize that I've used their company for near 10 years and have just spent near $10K with them this year (hell, more like almost 12K considering the water heater I got from their sister plumbing company in March), and I'd like them to act like I fucking matter to them, even just a little bit.

And also, thanks life. I see friends blogging about college and summer break and convention trips and other fun things, and here I'm thinking about 37 in a few months and writing a post about my heating/cooling system *again*. I feel old.
whitereflection: (sam into the (modern art) light)
1. I love it when I forget important things. Argh argh argh. I used to have a brain when I was younger. : /

2. Har.

3. Other fic I liked the past few days:
Year of the Living Dead, Sam/Dean, R, ~7300 words, coda to 5x22
Made me happy ♥
Not Afraid of Dogs, J2, PG-13, 1282 words.
Also for the SPN RPF h/c comment-fic meme at [ profile] spn_hurtcomfort. Gotta support those few hurt/sick!Jared fics, yeah. I have a major soft spot for how protective Jared would be of his dogs. :x
Bottled Up by K Hanna, gen, T, 12,441 words.
New K Hanna fic, and it's long \o/ And hurt!Sam because well yeah, this is me. :| So glad to see she's got more 'zine stories that are finally being released.

4. Going to play some dungeoncrawl board game called Descent with some of the folks I DnD with tomorrow afternoon. I suck at board games. Should be interesting. >_o Then racing home for the usual gang to come over in the evening--and hopefully everyone should be there so we can watch Blues Brothers like we were supposed to last Saturday. (Must not forget other important thing in between those two events!)

5. Been running on about 3 hours of sleep a night this week, can't afford to sleep in tomorrow. Good thing I have all that MDWhiteout now, yeah huh?
whitereflection: (j2 patpat (I'm here for you))
1. Hi, hormones. Return of the Cranky Wench, part billion. >:E Also, it's been cool, dim, rainy, and windy, like fall, and while I *love* that, it makes me want to sleep all the time.

2. Still hate the Lich King fight. Makes me wish I could go to BlizzCon in hopes of going to one of the developers' panels and stomping on the foot of whomever's responsible for it. Tuesdays are awesome for not being raid nights so I can hide out from Dauntless stuff. Meanwhile, it's the 5 year anniversary for the founding of the Daughters ofthe Alliance guild on Bronzebeard, which really says something about their people and how they're run. Yay for them. ♥

3. Wallowing in old J2 fic of late. Wallowinnnnnnnng. Hoping to run into this one I read last summer-ish where Jared was in a car accident (maybe broke a leg or something, I forget), and Jensen helps him out after and things ensue.

4. Greek Gods brand yogurt (pomegranate) is the awesome-amazing stuff of the day.

5. Countdown to SPN season finale song-sharing:
Queen - Headlong
Two days \o/

6. Oh, weird. I'd forgotten that my Dad, stepmother, and stepsister were visiting her family in Oklahoma this past weekend. :x They were north and east of where all the tornadoes hit, but sounds like a second cousin of hers lost their house. Yikes.

[Editing to remember!
Sticks and Stones, J2, NC-17, 22k words. Thanks so much [ profile] essene for pointing me at *exactly* the right thing! Saving this for when I get nostalgic for it again. :3

August 2012

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